Define Loyalty
by Longing for Leo
Summary: Explores what it might have been like had Karai not come to hate the turtles after Exodus if Leo were to get hurt and she save him, as well as Raph's reaction to loosing Leo and Leo's reaction to his growing feelings for Karai. Leo/Karai, Don/April
1. Ch 1: Daydreams & Nightmares

Hey everybody, glad you're back! As we all know, I don't own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. If you haven't read my first fic about Leo and Karai, that's fine, because this is completely unrelated. I started writing it after _Same as it Never Was_. At that point in the show Leo and Karai's relationship (last seen together in _Hun on the Run_ with Karai in Leo's lap and actually thanking him) was completely open to go any direction. Yes, I realize that after _Exodus_ and especially _Bad Day_ Karai proved herself to not feel this way, making my take completely wrong. But I'd already started writing and liked the idea, so I'm posting and continuing it anyway. So, this is what might have been…

**Define Loyalty**

Ch 1

Daydreams and Nightmares

_Hmmm, Karai_. The teenager called Leo thought as he lay back on his bed, crossing his arms behind his head. _She is such a mystery. But would I, could I leave Splinter if he did something evil? Yes. I could never go along with someone who intended to harm innocents, even my own father. So why does she? I know she's not evil, and I even believe she is honorable, so why does she follow the Shredder? There must be something else, something I don't know. I do think I'm starting to get to her, though. Every time we meet she seems less loyal to him. And she even said "thank you" last time._ Leo couldn't help smiling at the memory, glad his brothers couldn't read his thoughts. That just shows how much he knew.

In the main room of the lair his brothers were on the very same issue. Leo hadn't hidden his feelings quite as well as he thought. After their last encounter with Karai, Leo was in such a happy stupor the entire way home that every once in a while one of his brothers caught a dopey grin on his face.

"That boy's got a crush," Don stated bluntly.

"And bad," Mikey agreed, but couldn't let Don get away without some teasing. "Although, I don't think certain turtles should talk."

"Excuse me, and what's that suppose to mean?" Don sputtered, blushing and glad it didn't show on his olive green skin.

"Oh nothing—cough—_April!_—cough. Just that he's not the only one," Mikey smirked.

"Yeah," Raph couldn't help smirking at Don as well, but continued. "But he is the only one who likes our enemy number one's little pet."

"Whew, imagine having to ask her father for permission," Mikey cracked.

"Not funny Mikey. You're losing your touch," Don said dryly.

"Never had much to begin with," Raph teased.

"But we're getting off topic," Don rolled his eyes. "Leo needs to get his head out of the clouds before he gets it chopped off. Karai _can't _be trusted." That got questioning looks from the other two.

"Since when do you have a problem with Karai? She's saved our butts lottsa times. Not to mention Beijing," Mikey pointed out.

"Yeah, I'm the one who won't let up on that issue, but even I know she's proven herself an ally," Raph admitted. "What's your problem with her?"

"Character insight," Don stated shortly.

"Uh huh. And what the shell's that suppose to mean?" Raph demanded, rolling his eyes. Mikey noticed a haunted look pass over Don's face. It scared him. _What happened to Donny?_

"Yo dude, what's up?" Mikey asked. "You look like someone died." Don flinched slightly, quite disturbing his brothers. Mikey put his hand on Don's shoulder. "Donny, what happened in your dimension?" He asked quietly, amazing Donwith his understanding.

"It was thirty years from now. You guys were old and split up after a fight over—" Don couldn't finish.

"Over what Donny?" Raph asked, too curious to notice just how upset his brother was. Don took a deep breath and continued.

"Splinter's death. Casey was dead too. It was such a bleak future. So horrible..." Don trailed off. Mikey and Raph just stared at him for a minute. Then, before Don continued Raph held up his hand.

"Wait. Leo needs to hear this," Raph said quietly, and then louder, "Leo!"

Leo snapped out of his reverie, always attentive to his brothers' needs, his response was automatic.

"Yeah?" he called back, slightly annoyed at Raph's tone.

"Don's telling us about where Ultimate Draco sent him and you outta hear it," Raph called back. Leo jumped up, gratified. Every once in a while Raph could be considerate and use his head at the same time.

"Thanks for waking me up; I do need to hear it," Leo acknowledged Raph before turning to Don and Mikey, who sat on the couch. Raph was on the floor so Leo gracefully lowered himself into a cross-legged position beside him. Don repeated what he had already told the others, earning a stunned look from Leo, and continued his story.

"I convinced you guys to go up against the Shredder again, but he had more of those Karai bots, and Karai herself," Don paused to let that sink in, glancing at Leo, whose face was unreadable.

"The bots separated us and surrounded Mikey. They, they killed him." The last part was said in barely a whisper. All eyes focused on Mikey, who looked decidedly uncomfortable, shifting restlessly.

"Dead huh, as in _dead_? Wow, um, that hadtta be, like, really hard for you," Mikey stuttered, rubbing the back of his neak and avoidingtheir eyes.

"You have no idea, but that isn't even all of it. The rest of us managed to down the rest of the bots, but Karai kept Leo busy," Leo gave him a sharp look that still held a trace of the horror that it had assumed after picturing Mikey's death. "She begged him to take us and go so she wouldn't have to do her "duty," but Leo told her to make a choice, and she did," Don stopped again.

"Which was?" Raph fairly exploded in his impatience. Alternate Mikey had already been written off; Raph needed to know what happened to his other brothers. Don frowned at him but continued.

"She stabbed Leo in the back, literally." All eyes darted from Don to Leo and back again faster that you could say "major angst."

"No... It wasn't Karai, Don. Not _our_ Karai—" Leo began stubbornly, but Don interrupted him.

"You _died_ Leo. She killed you, and when Raph saw and attacked her for it, she sliced him open as well. I had to watch him crawl to your body and die while calling out to you and trying to reach your hand," Don had tears in his eyes now. Leo winced and glanced towards Raph before his eyes flicked back to Don. "And that bitch had the audacity to look sad while she stood above your bodies. She may not want to hurt us, but she won't follow what she wants, only what _he_ wants. There's no way we can trust her, _ever_, Leo." Don was near hysterics.

"Donny, calm down. It's ok; none of us are dead. That wasn't us you saw die. It wasn'tKarai who did it," Leo tried to reason with him, but Donny was showing some very un-Donny-esk stubborn behavior and wouldn't listen.

"No Leo, don't you get it! I don't even know what that was. Sure, it could've been an alternate dimension like Mikey went to, or it could've been a future that won't ever be. But it could also be a future that _will_ be if events continue to unfold as they are!" As horrified by the idea of his brothers' deaths as he had been, Raph was still able to roll his eyes at Don's melodramatic outburst.

"Donny, you sound just like Doc in _Back to the Future_," Mikey said, earning a very annoyed look from Don. But Don realized that Mikey had provided him with a good example, one that his brothers would understand.

"Yes, exactly! In Part III either Marty or Doc was destined to die, depending on the choices they would make. If Marty had continued on the path he started, Tannon would've killed him. It was only _after he chose a different approach_ that he succeeded and they got outta there," Don burst out in his excitement. Leo may have missed the beginning of this conversation, but he could tell what the real catalyst was.

"This isn't about your bad experience, is it Don? You aren't looking for reassurance orcomfort or whatever; this is about Karai. You're telling me to stay away from her cause she's not to be trusted," Leo said coolly. Don looked himstraight in the eye before answering.

"Yeah. Yeah Leo, that's precisely what I'm saying. That may not be what actually happens, but it shows her character. She's never going to leave the Shredder."

"You're wrong Don," Leo said quietly. Don shook his head, turned on his heal, disgusted, and retreated to his lab. Mikey opened his mouth to say something, saw the look on Leo's face, and thought better of it. He followed Don out. Raph wasn't so discreet. He watched them go with sagged shoulders before turning back to Leo.

"Ya know Leo, Donny's got a point," he began, but Leo interrupted.

"What point Raph? You've always thought she was a traitor, and she's never given us any reason to think it," Leo said quietly.

"Except she still works for Shred-Head. And you gotta admit this future Karai didn't exactly prove me wrong. I mean, God Leo, she stabbed you in the back! Don't you think there's a sign in there somewhere?" Raph asked. Leo could see that the image really bothered Raph, and in truth he was sure that this would show up in his nightmares. A small part of him wanted to hug Raph for how his alternate self acted and died, but his pride squashed that thought. He knew the others were just trying to protect him, but he wasn't use to having their roles switched. Leo sighed, clapping a hand on Raph's shoulder, suddenly tired.

"I don't know Raph. I just don't know."

---

Leo was a born leader, so he couldn't just ignore the opinions of his brothers, but he really didn't want to consider them. His thoughts switched from one side to the other.

_How could she stab me in the back and then kill Raph too? _

_No. It wasn't really her. Just like the Splinter in Mikey's dimension wasn't our Sensei. I notice no one mentioned him. I should've brought that up. _

_But Donny's got a point. It could've been a possible future Karai, meaning that could be how she feels. _

_Well then, I've just got to give her a reason to feel otherwise. Obviously I didn't do the right thing in that timeline. I've got to get her away from the Shredder. _

_But I can't put my bros in danger. _

_Yeah, but if I don't get Karai on our side then it might actually happen. _

_Man I'm going crazy; I'm arguing with myself. _

_No you're not. _

_Uh, yeah I am. _

_Ha ha, very funny Leo. _

_Oookay, this is getting weird. _

_Y__eah, enough said, or thought, or, whatever. Man, I've got to retire. How the shell can I have a life when all I care about is keeping them safe? And why do we keep attacking the Foot? _

_So Splinter can have revenge for Master Yoshi, duh. This whole thing is about revenge. There's no honor in that. I'm just leading my bros into danger so that dear old dad can feel vindicated. _

_What's up with me today? I sound like Raph... Shell, he died trying to hold my hand? And at Karai's hand? What the shell am I going to do about all of this!_

It took a whole lot of meditation before Leo managed to quiet his racing mind and get to sleep. Once he did, however, his sleep was disturbed with images of thousand of Karais killing his brothers. Again and again he watched them die, tossing and turning in his bed. He whimpered pitifully and called out for them in his sleep. But no one heard to wake and rescue him from the nightmares.

Don didn't even want to sleep for fear he would dream about the future...again. And of course, once his eyelids became too heavy and he surrendered, he slipped right back into that universe. Raph and Mikey were graced with nightmares of the same kind. Ah, the life of a teenage ninja...

---

They all stumbled into the kitchen with bloodshot eyes late the next morning. No one needed to say that they were all plagued with nightmares, and Mikey even gave them all a small hug before retreating to his seat. He just sat there, seemingly mesmerized by something in his cereal bowl. Splinter came in a few minutes later, looking shocked at how late they all slept in.

"Why aren't you practicing? Leonardo, what is this?" Splinter asked with obvious disapproval. Leo looked up from his bowl and narrowed his eyes.

"We aren't practicing because we just woke up after getting _maybe_ four hours of bad sleep, and '_this_' is breakfast," Leo said coldly, in a tone he never used with Splinter. It was a very hard night, and he was not in the mood to be the bearer of Splinter's weight.

"Well, hurry and finish. You need to perfect those katas we were working on earlier," Splinter said, not missing Leo's tone.

"Why? Is your revenge not complete? Pshhh, do it yourself. I'm tired of bearing all the weight cause you have a grudge," Leo said flatly while wondering how many back flips Splinter was going to give him.

_What the shell am I saying?_

The whole lair was dead silent, all eyes on Leo and Splinter. Mikey's spoon, halted halfway to his mouth, dripped milk unnoticed onto the table, while Don and Raph's lay forgotten. They had never, _ever_ heard Leo talk to Splinter like that. But more than that, they had never thought of their training in that light. The sparkle of rebellion had already gone into Raph's eye as he processed what Leo was saying.

_Leo's right! We're only ninjas to do his dirty work. Shredder never did anything to bother us. Splinter's master just happened to be a guardian. _Raph thought.

"But my son, Shredder is evil. He threatens the entire planet and therefore must be stopped," Splinter sputtered. Leo opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and sighed instead. The chair scrapped noisily against the floor as he pushed it out, stood, and shoved it back in.

"Come on guys, let's practice." He seemed deflated. No one could meet either his or Splinters' eyes as they filed out.

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Note: I'd really appreciate it if you left a review letting me know how you liked it and any suggestions you have for further chapters or corrections to this one. Thanks!


	2. Ch 2: Honor Bound

Well, here's chapter two. Sorry that it's a bit shorter, but the updates should be fairly regular for a while since I've already written this part. I've just been editing it. Hope you enjoy! And please don't forget to let me know what you think about it! 

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Ch 2

Honor Bound

"Alright, you know the drill. Sabotage any alien tech the Foot tries to get," Leo said, fairly sighing. The others exchanged worried glances, but Leo didn't seem to notice. They snuck down to the construction site, hiding just inside the tree line. Leo saw with a pang that Karai was leading the excavation.

"Great," Leo said, rubbing his eyes. "Yeah, I know that's Karai, and I know we're suppose to fight anyone who tries to stop us, but guess what, I don't really care. Lets just do the maximum damage with the minimum exposure. Don, is there anything small and simple that we can take out of that ship to make sure it doesn't work?" Don thought for a moment, then got his excited geek look.

"Yeah! All we need to do is take out the—" Don began, but before he could get into a long winded explanation that none of them would understand, Leo interrupted.

"Donny, English, ok? Just describe and point," Leo seemed so exhausted that his brothers wondered if it was really just from the lack of good sleep. Leo saw their looks and gave himself a mental shake. _Pull it together Fearless Leader. If you don't focus you're going to do something stupid and get one of them hurt, or worse—no, lets not think about that_. Don saw the change in his brother and gave an inward sigh. It was unnerving to see Leo look tired; leaders aren't allowed to show weakness. After seeing his reliable brother return Don explained his idea, in English this time.

Leo's exhaustion non withstanding, he was able to process Don's info enough to make a plan. Mikey and Raph would stay back while he and Don snuck to the ship. The plan was to get Don in and out with the part unnoticed. Leo was just there to watch Don's back. The others wouldn't even come in with them, much to Raph's annoyance.

"You're telling us to hide while you and Donny have all the fun!" Raph exploded, rather predictably. It was an effort for Leo not to sigh out loud.

"Yes Raph, I am. We don't need everyone and you're the most likely to get into a fight—come on don't glare at me, you know it's the truth—This is just to get the part. We are not, I repeat, _not_ looking for trouble. I'm only going in as Donny's backup. You guys are staying out here as _our_ backup," Leo said patiently, much to his credit. Raph grumbled and muttered a few well-chosen words directed towards Leo, but made no move otherwise, so Leo figured he'd gotten the message across. Leo motioned to Don and they slipped toward the ship from shadow to shadow, leaving the other two behind.

After a few close calls with some Foot ninjas Don had no trouble finding the part he was looking for. It only took him a minute to disconnect it and tuck it into his bag of tricks. Leo was getting the all too familiar _feeling_, that they were having too easy a time. Don was gaping in computer geek awe at all the mechanics in the ship, but Leo felt as if they were being watched. They were.

"Leonardo, why do you insist on plaguing my master?" came a voice from the shadows. Karai stepped into the light and gave them a hard stare.

"Because we know that whatever he wants all this tech for, it can't be good. You feel like cluing us in, or do we have to sabotage for the sake of it?" Leo asked with just a hint of sarcasm.

"I will not betray my master," Karai stated bluntly, before continuing. "But you do not have any idea if what you are doing will even help."

"Karai, will Shredder's plan hurt any innocents?" Leo asked, just as bluntly. Karai blinked, obviously disliking how direct the question was, and how focused her answer would have to be.

"I cannot guarantee that there will not be casualties—" she began.

"Then that is all the reason we need to ruin his plans," Leo answered before turning to Don. "Don," he jerked his head in the direction of the exit. Don shook his head, but Leo gave his brother the rare stare that took full advantage of Leo's authority. Karai did not move to stop Don as he turned and walked out.

"Why? Why do you have to go along with him?" Leo continued after Don had gone, but continued before she said anything. "I know you answered that question with one of your own, but I actually have an answer. Yes, if I knew what he was doing was wrong and put others in danger then I would turn my back on my father. I would even try to stop him if it meant saving others from suffering. I know you hate seeing innocents get hurt, so why do you help him hurt them?" Karai seemed unable to find the answer, so Leo continued.

"I'm not asking you to fight against him. But Karai, don't you see that by serving him you are helping him harm others?" Leo was practically pleading. Karai hung her head.

"Yes, I do see," she fairly whispered. "But how can I make a difference if I do not know what is going on? If I leave him then he is unopposed in the organization. You yourself admitted that you do not know his plans. I do not yet know the full extent of them, but I will know eventually. I am working to get anyone who would oppose him out of harms way. That is all I know to do," Karai said sadly, shocking Leo. He had never before seen her as a spy, but of course, she could be their informant. He got a dreamy look, which Karai correctly interpreted.

"You want me to be your eyes and ears," it was not a question, but Leo nodded anyway. "I cannot promise anything, but I will try to get deeper into the organization." Leo's heart leapt; she was on their side!

"It will be dangerous. It would be much safer if you just left, faked your own death or something—" Leo began, but Karai cut him off.

"No. I am no coward, and I will not run. This is what I can do, so I will do it." With that she turned and walked out the door.

"Be careful Karai," Leo said to her back. She paused and looked over her shoulder.

"And you as well Leonardo."

---

"What the shell took you so long!" (Raph of course) Leo didn't answer until he had gotten them out of the Foot's territory, allowing Raph to rant some more.

"Donny comes back with the stuff saying that you're chatting away with _Karai_," he spat her name like a curse. Leo noted this and gave him a deep frown before answering.

"Turns out we've been getting to her. She stayed "loyal" to the Shredder in order to get information. She all but said she's willing to be our spy," Leo said, not able to hide the note of excitement in his voice. The others just stared at him. Mikey looked excited as well, but Don and Raph weren't so accepting of the idea.

"Please," Don snorted. "You honestly think we can trust her word?"

"She's always kept it before," Leo replied, continuing quickly. "Think what a great opportunity this is. How valuable an informant she would be. This is a chance we can't pass up."

"Leo, you've gotten us into messes over her before. Tell me this isn't just because you're obsessed with converting her. Tell me it's all about the info we'll be getting," Raph growled.

"It's about both Raph," Leo growled, not happy having to answer to his hothead of a brother. "She's a good person who needs to get off the wrong side. But yes, the information is more valuable. It's a win-win situation, and what do you care why? What do you want me to do, tell her 'no thanks, we're not interested in insights into our enemy's infrastructure?'" Leo countered sarcastically. Raph couldn't think of a good argument to that, so he just fumed all the way home.

By the time they arrived back in the lair it was pretty late, so after reporting to Splinter Leo headed to his room. Don met him in his doorway.

"Leo listen, I know you want to save her. But please, don't let that blind you. Yes, she has given us reason to trust her in the past, but that doesn't change the fact that she works for our enemy. We cannot afford to trust her word. She could have been put up to this. She may feed you false information in the hopes of luring us into a trap. Or maybe they just want us to let our guard down around her," Don reasoned. Leo looked ready to argue, but Don forged ahead anyway.

"I'm not asking you to turn her down. But as your brother I am asking you to just be careful. Don't get too close to her Leo." Leo bit back a retort and managed a tight smile instead, nodding.

"Don't worry Donny, I know what I'm doing," Leo said, more confidently that he felt as he retreated into his room. He could see Don's silhouette in the doorway for a moment before he left. Leo sunk onto his bed and started drifting to sleep almost immediately, only allowing one thought to penetrate his darkening consciousness before he succumbed to the exhaustion. _What **am** I doing?_

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Note: I just enabled the anonymous reviewing, so if you couldn't review before, you can now. So please don't leave without hitting that review button!


	3. Ch 3: Fast Forward through Lucidity

Ok, here's Ch 3. Thanks for sticking with me so far! Just a warning, I really like dream sequences, so this probably won't be the only one. In this chapter I go through a big chunk of time. The title refers to that and the lucid dream that starts it. I didn't really want to dwell on Bishop's Gambit, so pardon if it seems really rushed. It's just setting us up for Exodus. And I _still_ don't own the TMNT.

Ch 3

Fast Forward through Lucidity

"_Come on guys!" Leo called to his brothers over his shoulder, waving them onwards with his arm. He ran toward the Foot Headquarters without waiting for them. It was darker inside than he remembered, bigger too. The passage he was in seemed to go on forever, winding back and forth. He wasn't concerned that he had become separated from his brothers somewhere along the way, nor was he worried about getting lost. Leo was completely focused on his task, what he was raised to do: get rid of the Shredder. Leo's purposeful stride seemed to get him nowhere, but he kept walking as if he knew exactly where he was going. Suddenly Splinter blocked his path._

"_You have a responsibility to your brothers. You cannot put them in danger as you are. If you try to get close to her, it will simply put them closer to the Shredder. You must choose my son." Leo was mad. Who was Splinter to tell him what to do when it came to Leo's brothers? Splinter hadn't led them through and gotten them out of countless dangers. And what did he mean that Leo couldn't have both? Leo didn't have to choose anything._

_Leo brushed Splinter aside and continued walking past. When he looked back Splinter had already gone. "Fine! You never help me anyway." Leo called after his father. He felt completely alone in the shadows, but the darkness around him shattered. Leo threw up his arms against the unexpected light suddenly assaulting his eyes. When he was able to lower his arms, he found himself in a brightly lit open space. He was on top of a cliff with none other than the Shredder before him! Leo had meant to face Shredder and defeat him once and for all, but the scene before him drove all rational thought out of Leo's head._

_Shredder stood at the very edge of the cliff. He held two ropes, one in either hand. Both hung over the cliff, barely holding their charges. On one side hung Karai, on the other, one of his brothers, tightly bound. He could not tell with brother it was, but that didn't matter. The two swayed in a strong wind, kicking helplessly and banging into the rock wall of the cliff beside them. Both were struggling against their bonds and trying not to focus on the rocks below them. _

"_You cannot save them all Leonardo! You must choose." It was Splinters voice that Leo heard emit from under the Shredder's helmet._

"_No! It's me you want. Let them go!" Leo cried. Shredder grinned evilly and released the ropes. Leo stood frozen in indecision. He couldn't save them both; one of them would die because of him. He couldn't move. He knew he had to act quickly to save one, but he couldn't choose between them. At the last second his feet unstuck, but it was too late. He watched as both red masked figures hit the rocks below._

"NO! Raph!" Leo sat bolt upright in bed, drenched in sweat, heart pounding, and shaking. He buried his face in his hands with shame.

_How could I have hesitated? I would have saved Raph if it was real. I know I would have. Wouldn't I? _Leo thought desperately.

_So why didn't I in the dream? What the shell do I think is between Karai and I?_

_Nothing. There is nothing Leonardo. You have a duty to your brothers. _His mind was going a million miles an hour, but another voice found a way in.

_Screw duty!_ Leo's other side though vehemently, surprising himself. _They can take care of themselves. They've got Splinter. She's got Shredder! She's the one who needs protection. And at least she thanks me once in a while. They take me for granted. I'm sick of carrying all the weight for them!_ Leo shook his head vehemently, trying to dispel the awful thoughts.

He'd worked himself up into a dangerous mood and knew it would be stupid to confront any of his family members. Unfortunately, he could never get back to sleep after a nightmare like that, so he strapped on his swords and decided to head for the surface. Looking at himself from outside of his body he realized whom he resembled.

_I'm acting like Raph._ Leo thought dryly. He winced suddenly, remembering his dream and Raph's fate in it. He couldn't suppress the shudder as the image of his brother's broken body filled his mind. Leo stopped, turned and strode to his brother's room. It was something of a habit to check on his brothers whenever he woke up in the middle of the night, and it was impossible for him to leave after a nightmare without doing so, even in his disgruntled state. Seeing the rise and fall of his brother's shell and the red bandana tails sprawled across his pillow put Leo's mind at ease.

_I would have chosen you, bro. I **will** choose you._ Leo thought fiercely, realizing that leaving his family to go to the surface was the last thing he wanted to do. Changing his mind, he backed out of the room and gently closed the door. _Well, Splinter told me to practice my katas_…

---

Raph woke suddenly, unsure as to what had actually disturbed his dreams. It was just a feeling, as if it had been a part of his dream…

_NO! Raph!_ That was it. The cry swirled in between jumbled images of Leo and Karai, the Shredder and himself. Raph sat up, bent over and pressed his knuckles against his closed eyes, trying to remember. Something about Leo, crying his eyes out over Karai's dead body or something. Raph scowled and lay back down, trying to get back to sleep.

_Wait. If it was Karai he was balling his eyes out for, why did he scream my name?_ Raph's brain wondered fuzzily, working slowly from grogginess. _Did I kill her?_ Another image flashed across his consciousness, his own body, broken and bloody. _Eww. Well, that would explain it._ Movement caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. His door creaked slightly as it opened a crack. Someone—no Leo_—_was spying on him. Before Raph could process this enough to do or say anything, the door closed with a soft click. Being both curious and incorrigible, Raph got up and padded silently to the door. He opened it cautiously, to see two blue bandana tails disappear around a corner and into the dojo. In a rare moment of wisdom, Raph decided that Leo needed time to think, and returned to his hammock.

---

No one thought anything odd about Leo being up and practicing before everyone else. Really, everyone except Raph was sure that things were back to normal, or at least their brother was. They didn't get to find out what was really in Leo's head, however, as Bishop chose that time to emit a high pitch frequency that not only freaked out all the normal rats in New York city, but also the large, mutated variety. Splinter collapsed from the pain. Leo gathered his father into his arms, all vestiges of the argument the day before forgotten, and ordered them to get him out of there. Of course it was a trap. They didn't really want to think about why Bishop wanted rat DNA, and his clones and Slayer were just freaky. Bishop got hooked, but somehow got himself off. Another mysterious, invincible bad guy, precisely what they did not need any more of.

A new enemy didn't mean the old one was gone, however, and it was not enough of a distraction that Splinter forgot about his revenge. He dwelled on his slain Guardian master constantly, even in his dreams. Yoshi visited Splinter in a heaven-sent dream and showed him that Shredder (a.k.a. Oroku Saki) would soon make his break for the Uttrom home world to enslave their scientists. Yoshi entrusted his guardianship duties to his "son," Splinter, making his wishes known by dressing Splinter in the garb of the Guardians. Splinter nodded, promising that he would continue Yoshi's legacy and protect the race that he loved. He woke with firm resolve, sure that he would be doing the right thing, but not at all sure that his sons would understand completely.

Splinter need not have worried. As soon as he told his sons about the dream and the Shredder's plans to go to the Uttrom home world the lair grew deadly silent. No voices were lifted in disbelief or protest. On the contrary, all eyes flew to look at Don. There was an unspoken question in the gaze. _Is this the beginning of your future unfolding? _Don nodded.

"That's what I think too. It's beginning," Don stated bluntly.

"Shell," Raph whistled. Mikey shifted uneasily, and Leo stared at the floor, looking haunted. All of these reactions greatly alarmed Splinter, who had no idea what they were talking about.

"My sons? Donatello, what is going on?" Splinter asked. The guys exchanged another look. _Oops, guess we should have filled him in too, huh?_ Don cleared his throat.

"Ultimate Draco sent me to a possible future. In it Shredder had conquered both the Uttrom home world and Earth. It was horrible," Don shuddered. Mikey placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"We think, correct me if I'm wrong guys, that things are being set up for that future to become a reality. I'd go so far as to say that if Shredder gets off Earth, that future _will_ become _our_ future," Don finished. The guys nodded in agreement with Don's analysis. That's what they thought too. Splinter was silent for a moment, thinking. After gathering his thoughts for a moment, he spoke.

"In light of our limited options, I believe that it is imperative for us to stop the Shredder. He is more than simply the murderer of my master and a danger to us, he is a danger to _everyone,_ and therefore must be stopped. My sons, I have tried to prepare you for this moment your entire lives. It is time. Time to avenge my master. Time to protect the living. Time to end the Shredder.

---

Leo trusted Splinter's judgment, but the fact that Don had already visited this alternate future gave him even stronger reason to do so. Leo would not allow the Shredder to threaten his family and his world by leaving Earth and making that dimension a reality. Much as Leo had disagreed with his master's motives lately, this was now more than enough incentive to go along with Splinter's craving to avenge his master. Now Leo was not about to argue that revenge was the only matter at stake. It was no longer about something so dishonorable, now it was about protection, Leo's favorite euphemism. He would never let that future become his dimension's future, his Earth's future, his brothers' future. _Nope, not even if Karai forces me to chose my family over her._ The Shredder had to go, and Leo was ready to take him down. Leo would fight to the bitter end to protect his family.

---------

Get ready for Exodus, déjà vu style! And please take time to leave me a review, even if it's just a sentence or two. Thanks and Merry Christmas! (If I don't post before Saturday)


	4. Ch 4: Exodus: Deja Vu Style

Disclaimer: As always, I don't own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But I also need to note that none of the dialogue in this chapter is of my own making. It is taken from "Exodus" parts I and II. The thoughts (italics) and interpretation (description) are the only things that I claim. Hope you enjoy your Christmas present!

Ch 4

Exodus: Déjà Vu Style

"Leonardo, perhaps we should rethink this. It is very dangerous. I feel perhaps I should have—" Splinter began, voice and mind full of insecurities.

Please Master Splinter, we've been over this," Leo interrupted, reassuring him.

"Which does not alter the fact that I have dragged you all in a very dangerous situation. All because of a vision I can't even explain," Splinter retorted, shaking his head worriedly.

"Sensei, I'd put my faith in one of your visions any day, we all would. If Shredder's up to something we'll get to the bottom of it, and we'll stop him. It's what you trained us to do." Leo said darkly, before returning his focus on his brothers and allies.

_But my son, you are right. I should not have brought you and your brothers to fulfill my revenge. I am sorry._ Splinter thought, even as their plan was in motion. _A very well thought out and precisely executed plan it's proving to be, too._ Leo thought, having never been more proud of one, nor of his family and their allies, for that matter. For this reason he assured Splinter that they had to do something for the general good. Shredder had to be stopped. Leo was worried about Karai, however. He had not seen her since her offer, which had so far been unfulfilled. This would decide whose side she was on. _Where will she stand?_

---

"And what of me, Father?" Karai asked timidly, so like a lost little child.

"Karai, my time here was not a total loss. I have forged a powerful dynasty with the Foot, and have raised a daughter to rule that dynasty. Until I return you will serve me as you have always served me: faithfully, and without question," Shredder responded in a voice of steel, raising her chin to look him in the eye. Letting her go, he continued in a lighter tone. "Now see to our guests, this is a celebration."

"Yes Master," she bowed her head, completely docile.

---

"Wait, Leonardo you must not do this," Karai called to Leo, grabbing his shoulders to stop him from going after Shredder. "He is finally leaving our world. You _must_ let him go," Karai begged Leo, literally clasping her hands together in supplication.

"Let him go to destroy and enslave the Uttroms!" Leo exclaimed.

"The Uttroms have hunted my father his entire life. They are heartless monsters!" Karai retorted with crossed arms, turning her back and refusing to meet Leo's eyes. She was the picture of stubbornness, making herself blind to the truth in Leo's speech.

"No Karai, that's not true. He's lied to you, he's the heartless monster…and I'm going to stop him!" Leo exclaimed, leaping after Shredder.

"Leonardo no!" Karai cried, following him. Once at the fight they hesitated, almost as if they had forgotten what it means to be enemies. They looked back at one another for an instant before turning their backs on one another and joining the opposing forces. That was the moment; they each made their choice.

---

"Shredder! May my master Yoshi's sword taste vengeance today!" Splinter cried, beginning the fight that he had been waiting to start for fifteen years. After a couple minutes, it was clear that the Hamato clan wasn't doing too well. The turtles and Splinter kept attacking the steel fortress that was Shredder, but the alien just knocked them back down. Finally, however, Mikey and Donny found a formidable weapon, electricity. Problem is, Shredder can use power cables too.

"Michelangelo, move!" Master Splinter cried, shoving his "youngest" son out of the way, taking two live wires to the chest. Shredder seemed to enjoy electrocuting the father of the hated turtles, and didn't stop, even when Splinter's eyes bulged nearly out of their sockets. The sound of Splinters' cries attracted Leo's attention. Leo turned with fear in his eyes, running towards his father.

"Master Splinter!" Leo screamed. Raph spun around in time to see his father fall to the ground as Karai prevented Leo from coming to their father's aid. Raph joined his other brothers in getting in between their father and Shredder. Raph knew the only way to take the Uttrom out was to stab its fleshy body, and as Leo was occupied at the moment, it was Raph's responsibility. But Shredder tossed them all aside, any and all previous ninjitsu thrown aside as well, as his new body was all power and no subtlety.

"My master was leaving, it did not have to be this way!" Karai spat in regret, having to fight tooth and nail to prevent Leo from tearing her father apart. She was amazed at his strength. She needed both hands to keep his sword, held loosely in only one hand, from overpowering her own. To add to her disadvantage, a jerk of the ship knocked Karai off balance and teetering on the edge. She fell, but being the gentleman that he is, however, Leo refused to take advantage of this opportunity. Leo saved Karai's life, again.

"You are too kind Leonardo, _much_ too kind!" Karai spat, thanking him by stealing his sword and kicking him across the room. Leo stumbled back, right in front of Shredder, who gave him a ruthless kick to the carapace. Leo flew through the air towards Karai; both had swords extended and scared expressions. Raph turned just in time to see it.

_Leo? Oh no_. Raph's mind froze as his brother was sent, hurtling towards his own sword, held in both hands by the woman whom he had just saved. The world slowed down, but Raph's body refused to respond to his brains frantic cries. _No! Move Raphael! Do something; save him!_ But he didn't. He froze as he watched his brother fall onto the katana. _No!_ Raph heard the sword as it slid in and the resulting groan. _Leo!_ He saw Leo shudder before his body went ridged. _Oh God._ Raph watched, helpless, as his brother fell—collapsed—to the floor. _Please, no. Not him. Not like this._ The katana had severed his shoulder strap, which dangled on the blade for a moment before it dropped onto Leo's still form. He gave no response, and neither did Karai.

"Leo! Nooo!" Raph screamed. _Please God, no. No no no no… _Fear, grief, and pain flooded Raph's system. _Leo, no. Leo!_ Raph's mind rebelled against the facts before his eyes, whining and pleading with whatever higher power was out their not to take his brother. _Don't let him be dead. Please don't let him be dead._

Karai still didn't do anything. She just stood there with the katana outstretched, as if trying to rub it in that she had just stabbed Raph's brother. Her face was a mask of shock, but Raph didn't really register that fact. He had room for about two thoughts at that moment: 1, his brother was dead, and 2, Karai killed him.

"Karai!" Raph's growl echoed around the chamber, unspoken implications ringing in the sound. M_urderer! You killed my brother; I'll kill you!_ He felt the rage coming and knew it would be uncontrollable. He forgot his training. Shell, He forgot who he was as the grief turned into pure hatred. _Leo's dead and his murderer lives. Not while I have anything to say about it!_

Raph felt like he'd never felt before, and it scared the shell out of him. He wanted to kill Karai, but not just to eliminate the threat. He wanted to cause her as much pain as he was feeling. To be anywhere as strong, the grief would need to be translated into torture. Raph was more than willing; he wanted, craved, to cause her physical pain. He wanted to hear her scream, let her voice the pain that was tearing him apart. He needed to scream and sob, but he tried to make her do it instead. He was doing a pretty good job of it too. Who says anger doesn't increase one's focus?

Raph kicked Karai across the bridge for a second time, and she stayed down. She struggled to raise her head and they locked eyes. The moment to avenge his brother had come, and Raph wouldn't have let it pass, but for the Shredder. He caught Raph off guard, grabbed him, and smashed him against his knee. The pain hit Raph in a white flash. It was so bad that he couldn't tell what all had been broken. He couldn't tell anything, actually, as the pain was so bad that he lost consciousness. It's what Raph wanted after watching his brother die. He just wished he could have taken Karai with him. The white flash swirled into shadow as the world spun into numbness and darkness. _Ah, blissful, welcome release…_

---

_Ouch._ It felt like someone tore Raph's insides to shreds and hastily put them back together. He was nearly certain that some ribs were broken, not to mention the excruciating pain in his back. _Why does everything hurt so much? What have I been doing? I…Oh God…No…Leo!_ Raph's eyes snapped open and he tried to sit up.

"Argh!" he fell back down wincing from the pain. It was worse than he thought, but he found the training that he had driven away with the rage and pushed the pain down. Raph sat up again, without moaning this time, and looked around for his family. It looked like a scene from one of his nightmares. His entire family surrounded him, all collapsed on the floor. Fear flooded Raph's system again as he remembered that Splinter had been electrocuted and his brothers were left to defend themselves. To Raph's relief, Donny and Mikey were moaning with pain. Well, not relief exactly. He hated to hear them in pain, but it was better than the alternative. _Speaking of which… _His mind reverted back to Leo with anguish. Raph thrust this thought aside and, desperate to replace it, thought of Splinter. But someone beat him to it.

"The Shredder's trying to get back in. He'll finish us for sure... How's Master Splinter?" came the weak voice of Raph's "dead" brother. _Leo!_ Relief made Raph's knees weak. Leo struggled to pull himself up by one arm, clearly weak from loss of blood. Leo stood, swaying weakly, and clutched his wounded shoulder with the good arm. Leo staggered to their father's side, followed by Donny and Raph. Mikey's legs seemed to be broken, slightly rekindling Raph's anger, but he forced the bile down and crouched at Leo's shoulder to lend support.

"My sons I am sorry," Splinter said, voice full of emotion.

"No sensei, it's our fault. We couldn't stop him. We failed. We failed the Uttroms, Master Yoshi. We failed you… I failed you," Leo hung his head, taking all the blame, as usual. _Not ok,_ Raph thought. His brother needed support. _You're not alone bro._

"That's it, the Shredder wins?" Y_ou're gonna give up, just like that?_ _Not if I have anything to say about it._ Raph watched Leo, gauged his reaction, and saw his expression harden with resolve, purpose. There would be no break.

"It's not like we're in any shape to stop him," Mikey muttered, but Leo spoke up hesitantly.

"You know, there's a lot of energy in that generator…" Leo began. _Of course,_ thought Raph.

"In the wrong hands." Raph added, reading Leo's mind like only brothers can.

"It'd make a pretty big bang," Mikey said, obviously getting the message as well.

"We'd never survive," Donny said quietly, looking each of his brothers in the eye.

"But neither would the Shredder. We could end this," Leo finished simply.

"No. My sons, I could never ask you to," Splinter moaned. _You don't have to,_ they all thought.

"It's ok Sensei, we know the score," Mikey assured him.

"If we don't stop him now—" Raph began.

"Millions of innocent beings across the galaxies will suffer at his hands," Donny finished, obviously thinking of his time in the alternate future.

They were silent for a moment, looking deep inside of themselves and each other, saw what they'd already known was there, and gave what was already known. They didn't want to die, and sure as shell didn't want each other to die, but if it came to that, they'd prefer nothing more than to go down at each others' sides.

"It's alright father, we're all agreed," Leo stated with finality, voice ringing with authority. He knew his brothers were willing to follow him to the bitter end, much as it pained him that he was actually willing to let them.

"Then let us finish this, together," Splinter said, voice equally firm.

Raph agreed, but couldn't look at his brothers again. He just couldn't bear the thought of losing them, Leo for the second time in an hour! But at least Raph would never have to live without them, as he was almost forced to do without Leo. Raph sneaked a glance at his brother out of the corner of his eye. Leo was grim, determined, on the outside, but Raph could see that Leo's decision to lead his brothers to death was tearing him apart. _If we live through this…will he ever forgive himself?_

---------

Well that's it. I hope it's ok that I copied so much of the dialogue. It needed to be accurate to make sense. I firmly acknowledge that none of the dialogue in this chapter was my own, only the thoughts and interpretation. Merry Christmas! (Hope you got your hands on one of those Little Orphan Aliens before they sold out!) ;) And please give me a Christmas present in the form of a review!


	5. Ch 5: Exploring Insanity

Well, here's the next installment. As usual, I don't own the TMNT. There's a small reference to some adult actions in this one, if that's not your cup of tea, then you might want to skip a paragraph in the middle of this chapter. Fair warning…enjoy!

Ch 5

Exploring Insanity

"_This is not what I wanted Leonardo. This is not what I wanted!"_ Karai's voice echoed through Leo's head. He couldn't get rid of it. _That was the last thing she ever said to me, after having just stabbed me, so why can't I stop thinking about her?_

_Because of what you want to believe she meant._ Leo so kindly reminded himself. _I've never given up on her. She's given me plenty of chances to do so, and I know that my brother's (especially Raph) have, but I haven't._ _Why though?_ Leo asked himself, and that voice in the back of his head answered, affirming his suspicions that he's going mad.

_Because of that feeling you get whenever you think of her. The one you still haven't admitted to._

_Oh yeah, that one. Great, what will it take to quiet that voice in my head, or more importantly, the one in my gut? Maybe some TV will work._ Leo sighed, striding over to the couch, finding it empty, digging under the pads, and pulling out the remote without having to look. He seemed to know exactly where it would be, as if that was its unquestionable, rightful place and there was nothing unusual about it. They are teenage guys, after all. He flicked it on and immediately regretted it.

"Saki enterprises has been sued 150 million dollars after the floor under Mr. Saki's disastrous cocktail party was removed to release a rocket, no doubt made from all of his thought to be solicitous clean up efforts after the alien invasion of a few months ago. While Mr. Saki is currently unaccounted for, his daughter is being held liable for her family's actions. Miss Saki is being held in the top security section of the New York City Jail along with the scientist who actually opened the doors under the guests, killing four and injuring several. In other news…"

_Oh lovely, now I know where she is. That's just great. Now what? _

_Midnight run, anyone? _

_Shell. Fine, I'll go see her if it will stop me from becoming schizophrenic._ Leo rationalized.While his brothers were occupied with the usual: punching bag, computer, and comic book, Leo approached a meditating Splinter.

"Master Splinter, I think I'll go on a training run, if that's ok with you," Leo said/asked tentatively. Splinter opened one eye and answered unconcernedly in the affirmative.

_What did I expect? After all, I am the responsible one. Dedicated to my training, almost to the point of obsession, I'm the least likely to be planning something so foolhardy._ As Leo left the lair he was careful to keep silent, so as to avoid attracting his brother's attention. He knew that Raph would catch on and convince the others to follow Leo if he noticed. If what Leo had planned was going to work, he needed to be alone.

Determined to be truthful with Splinter as much as possible, Leo did go on a training run. Could he help it if it just happened to lead him directly to the jail? He leapt from rooftop to rooftop until he was on the edge of town. He was unnerved to find the city completely quiet. In New York, when nothing was up, it was like a flashing billboard announcing that something definitely _was_ up. But, unable to put his finger on the problem, Leo crept closer to the jail, wary of searchlights, but evading them easily. He avoided the barbed wire and nasty things like that by sticking to the roofs, and made his way to the high security cellblock. Somehow he knew where Karai's was. He didn't know how, but he thought that he sensed her aura or something. Sure enough, when Leo landed on a very conveniently placed windowsill and peered through the bars, he saw Karai sleeping peacefully on a very uncomfortable looking cot.

Her black hair was longer than Leo remembered and slightly tousled. A few strands were draped across her face, fluttering slightly from her light breathing. Leo just stared at her for a minute. _She is beautiful._ Realizing how creepy it was that he was watching the leader of the Foot clan sleep, Leo shook his head and snapped out of it. Not knowing what exactly he would say to her, Leo wondered what the shell he was doing there. Thinking that it had been a mistake to come, he turned to climb back up to the rooftops, but disturbed a loose piece of the concrete sill and let out an involuntary gasp as he was forced to grab the bars to avoid falling. _Clumsy. You call yourself a ninja?_

Karai, proving herself a ninja much more attuned to her surroundings, jumped up at the small noise, prepared to fight. _Great, let's just start out with the caged ninja on her guard and see how well this goes._ Leo thought sarcastically.

"Um, hi," Leo said, waving feebly, "it's me, Leonardo." She stared at him as if she'd never seen something so odd. Clearly believing him mad, she nevertheless spoke back.

"What—why are you here?" She demanded, as if he was a two year old. "You do remember that I stabbed you, right?" _Ah, so that's it. She can't believe that I still haven't given up on her._

"Because I know you didn't mean to hurt me, and I still believe there's more good in you than bad. I know you're honorable, and that nurture had more impact on your actions than your true nature. You're right, we're different in that our fathers were on different sides, but now that he's gone, however, I'd hoped…" Leo rambled, and judging by Karai's expression, digging himself into a hole.

"It was because of you that my father was banished! Because of you I will never see him again," she spat. _This is not going at all the way that I'd planned it. Oh dear._ Leo rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly before replying.

"I don't deny it. But Karai, I _had_ to. He'd already killed millions, and he would have done the same to Earth and to my family. I had to act. Love demanded it. _Love_, more than honor or duty, Karai, because love will always come first for me. That's why I ignored my honor and sense of responsibility and came here tonight," Leo stopped suddenly, confused, realizing what had just come out of his mouth and how she could take it. Karai looked stunned, as if he'd just smacked her in the face.

"Um, that is to say," Leo stuttered awkwardly, feeling that hole getting deeper and yet unable to stop himself. "I couldn't stand the thought of you in here, dwelling on all the bad with no one to distract you. I wanted things to heal between us like they were during all the many times we've saved each other. I couldn't just let that go, not after all that had happened. You saved Beijing—"

"No," she interrupted. "_You_ saved Beijing, and myself before doing so," she amended quietly. Inside Leo rejoiced, _hallelujah, there is a Daimyo!_

"Yeah, but nevertheless, we wouldn't have known, or even have been able to get there without you. But that's what I'm saying. We work better on the same side! I, I miss being on the same side. That's why I came, just to talk, on the same side," _What am I doing? That sounded so lame, not nearly as good as how it sounded in my head. Why is this so much harder than I thought it would be? I'll be lucky if she simply asks me to leave—_

"Thank you," she said, giving Leo a strong sense of déjà vu and stopping his thoughts in their tracks.

"I—what?" Leo couldn't believe she was actually thanking him. _That was too easy_, Raph's voice drifted through Leo's consciousness, that he would be stupid to trust Karai. _She just wants you to help break her out of jail so that she can kill us all. _Raph continued.

_I'm insane…_

---

"Where the shell have you been!" Raph's voice greeted Leo before he'd even closed the door behind him. Leo sighed, knowing how bad it would be if—_no when_—Raph found out, but resolving that it wouldn't be today.

"On my training run, Raph. You know, all around the city on the rooftops," Leo replied, working hard to make his voice sound honestly exasperated, as if he simply wished that Raph would get off his back and start trusting him. It seemed to work too, as Raph backed off.

"Fine, well—whatever. It's just, you do the same when I go out—" Raph stuttered, clearly wanting to save face. Leo wouldn't give him the chance, though.

"Save it," Leo said simply, holding up a hand to keep Raph from trying to sound tough, and walking straight to his room. "I'm tired, and I really don't feel like another fight, Raph." Leo continued bluntly. He sounded so sincerely dejected that Raph decided to drop it.

"Sure, whatever bro," Raph conceded, sounding worried. "Did something happen?" Leo hesitated before remembering that there actually was something wrong.

"No, and that's just the problem. It's too quiet out there. Someone's up to something, and I couldn't even find out who. All the gangs leaders are m.i.a., so I don't get what's going on, and it's bothering me," Leo said, and seeing Raph's expression, felt pride well up for himself at thoroughly distracting his brother from any suspicions about a certain female member of the Foot.

"So, what do we do? More surveillance?" Raph asked, sounding hopeful and already getting that excited gleam in his eyes.

_Yeah, that's exactly what we'll do._ Leo thought, actually saying, "yeah, and more coverage of the city," Leo agreed, working hard not to smirk. "We'll have to split into groups and take shifts." _Um hmm, lot's of shifts. _Leo thought, elated at finding a way to see Karai more. If truth be told, Leo wasn't nearly as worried as he should have been, considering that he and his brothers were on the top quite a few peoples' most wanted lists. Lately, one thing tended to take up much more room in his mind than was its fare share: _Karai._

---

Leo couldn't keep this up for much longer. Already his brothers were beginning to notice his changing mood. He found himself using Raph's punching bag a lot more than he use to, having alarming and somewhat embarrassing dreams, and needing to—ahem—_relieve_ himself more than usual. _Sexual frustration,_ he found himself thinking a few weeks later, after he had finally allowed himself to step back and analyze his thoughts and feelings. _Damn. And what exactly am I supposed to do about this?_ He thought, half exasperated and half furious with himself for his lapse in discipline. _I'm not focusing on being a leader. One of these times I'm going to be thinking about her and get one of my bros killed._ He shuddered. The number of close calls had already begun to increase. And it didn't help that April was beginning to spend more time in the lair, with Don, of course. Leo wished that he could have been happy for his brother, as he knew he should be. It was unfair that Leo wished that as long as he couldn't have the woman he cared about, none of his brothers should. _Keep telling yourself that. Maybe one of these times you'll actually believe it._ Leo despised himself for these thoughts, but took comfort in the fact that he knew he didn't really mean them. One day, however, his resolve was truly tested.

---

April O'Neil gazed at the strong young man at her side. He and his brothers all looked fairly alike, yet she knew that he was so very different. She had known from the first time they talked, she just wouldn't let herself see it. Only lately had she started to allow herself to glimpse this view of him.

The ends of his purple bandanna tails draped over his shoulder, following the lines in his heavily muscled forearm. She allowed her gaze to travel down his arm until they fell on his hands, busily working on their latest project, a mask with a built in shell cell (a nearly invisible, wire thin microphone and earpiece that was attached to the inside of the mask). It had been April's idea, one in which Don had immediately taken interest in. April remembered how scary it was when Don's earpiece phone fell off and she couldn't contact him as he was infiltrating Shredder's skyscraper.

Obviously not a complicated project, Don was surprised at himself for not thinking of it himself. But he gave credit where credit was due, making April feel useful and appreciated. She enjoyed the feeling.

_He's such an amazing person. Such an intelligent, kind, thoughtful, sensitive, and funny (in a somewhat sarcastic way, when he wants to be) gentleman_, April thought lazily to herself, not realizing where her thoughts were headed. _I bet he doesn't even realize how lucky any girl would consider herself to be with him. And what a bod—oh my gawd, what the shell? Where did that come from? Um, and how exactly did I miss something like that? _Something of April's thoughts must have registered on her face, because Don suddenly looked concerned.

"April, what's wrong?" he asked cautiously. April looked up at him, slightly dazed for a moment. She seemed to give herself a mental shake. Her expression was somewhat heady as she said shakily,

"I've just realized something," she said, starting to smile self-consciously. Don looked expectant. "I think—"she stopped, embarrassed to find herself blushing, which of course worsened the blush. Don smiled perplexedly back.

_What could possibly be making her blush? Did I do something? I know she was staring at me. Could it—no. I won't get my hopes up. There's no way a woman like her would ever be interested in a freak like me,_ Don thought bitterly, bracing himself for disappointment.

"I think I like you," she stopped, breathless with fear. Don stared at her, completely stunned.

"You, you do?" he choked, an octave higher than usual. Clearing his throat through her ice breaking chuckles, he continued. "I like you too, April. I've always liked you, but lately, it's like, like…more," he stopped, not wanting to divulge too much. She seemed to encourage him to continue, however, so he did.

"April, I can't understand how much you've come to mean to me. I didn't dare hope that you felt it too. I couldn't. How could someone as beautiful as you ever like a mutant turtle?" Don's shoulders sagged a little, but they were quickly righted as April's arms surrounded them in an embrace.

"You don't know, do you? You don't realize what a great guy…" April trailed off, suddenly realizing how close their faces were. She hadn't purposefully done it, but there they were. Don was clearly just as affected. They're eyes locked. Not breaking the gaze, Don bent even closer, hesitating before their lips touched. April didn't give him the chance. She closed her eyes, and met him halfway.

---

Leo's shell cell was broken. Well, to be honest, he'd broken it the day before when he realized that Don could be tracking him every time Leo visited Karai. Not wanting this, Leo tried to disable the tracking device, but being hopeless when it comes to technology, he'd disabled the calling capability as well. Knowing perfectly well that Don should've been the one to do it, and would probably fix the tracker as well, Leo walked to Don's lab to ask him to fix it anyway. He would just leave it behind next time, or actually study up on how to do it.

Leo was contemplating exactly what he would say to his sharp brother, who probably already knew that Leo had gone to the prison more than once, when he pushed open the door without knocking. It was an automatic thing. They never bothered to knock when entering Don's lab. Either he was too engrossed in his work that he didn't notice, or he was in the middle of some delicate task only to mess it up when he jerked in surprise from the sudden noise. Don made it quite clear that there would be no knocking when he was in the middle of a project.

Knowing all of this, Leo entered as he always did, completely silent. After standing stock still for a few seconds, he doubted that Don would've heard a knock anyway. After thirty seconds, Leo knew that Don wouldn't have heard if he'd kicked the door in. Don was wrapped so tightly around April that, if it wasn't for the obvious difference in skin color, Leo would've had difficulty in telling the two apart. Backing through the door and closing it silently behind him, Leo walked dazedly to the sofa. He had to feel his way in front of it before he sat down hard, as his eyes didn't seem to want to do anything but stare blindly across the room. Mikey was the first to notice.

"Yo, Leo! Hello, Earth to Leo. Come in Leeeooo," Mikey said, waving his hand energetically in front of Leo's face. Leo blinked and looked up, finding it difficult to focus on his brother's face. "Dude, you look like you saw something truly disturbing. What horrors did you see lurking in Donny's lab?" Mikey asked, chuckling.

"Um, jeeze, I just walked in on Don and April making out," Leo said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, thinking vaguely that he should have let Don and April tell them that. What felt like a full minutes ringing silence followed these words. Mikey dropped the remote and stared with unflattering disbelief at Leo while Raph's mouth fell open comically.

"_What!_ Don and April, _making out?_" Raph spluttered. "Since when has April liked green teenage mutant ninja turtles?"

"They've always liked each other," Mikey said quietly. "At least, Donny's always liked her, and they've been spending a lot of time alone together lately." Leo winced, not appreciating the thought that this could have been going on for most of the time he'd been unsuccessfully trying to get closer to Karai. She was willing to talk, but remained coolly distant. She hadn't gone further than saying thank you. Mostly Leo did all the talking. And here was his brother, making out under Leo's very nose in his own home!

"Oh, eww. Mikey, I did _not_ need that mental image. Thanks a lot," Raph groaned. Leo silently agreed, but when Don and April emerged five minutes later, slightly disheveled, Leo did nothing more than raise an eye ridge as he and Don made eye contact. Don coughed awkwardly.

"Um, yeah. April and I are going out," he said, unable to keep the grin from spreading across his face. Mikey grinned too, coming over to clap Don on the back as he congratulated the pair. Raph and even Leo managed to fake surprise and pleasure as they too bestowed their blessings. After awhile, however, it became too much for Leo. Knowing that he had to get away, Leo waited until he was sure that Don, Mikey, and April were firmly engaged in conversation to sneak away. Forgetting about Raph, Leo slipped inside the dojo.

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Many thanks to Tewi, the only person who's reviewed for the last couple chapters. I'd really appreciate some more. They are great motivators to write faster. So please, PLEASE leave me a review, even if it's only a sentence. Thanks, and happy New Year!


	6. Ch 6: Trust Issues

Hey fellow TMNT fans! Hope you had a really good 2005…and that you have an even better 2006! Even though it was one of my New Years Resolutions, I still don't own the turtles. Alas! But I'll get over it. Lol, thanks for the reviews; I always appreciate them! Hope you like this chapter!

Ch 6

Trust Issues

Raph saw Leo edging away and followed, making excuses for the both of them. Don, still beaming, was obviously too happy to notice his brother's discomfort and waved Raph away cheerily, turning back to his conversation with Mikey and April. Raph found Leo, once again pummeling the punching bag. Raph waited until Leo saw him to speak.

"Hey, you seem a little less than happy…Wanna talk?" Raph asked, quite gently for him. Leo hesitated, stopped the bag, and leaned slightly against it, pressing his forehead to it as he worked to slow his breathing. Leo wiped his brow and smiled ruefully at his brother.

"If you promise not to blow your lid," Leo said dryly. Raph raised an eye ridge and smirked.

"Am I about to find out where you've been going on all those 'patrols?'" Raph asked, cottoning on and adding quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

"Yeah," Leo said sheepishly. _Was I that obvious?_ "Although, I'm surprised you don't know. Donny probably does."

"What, just cause he's the one who's got a girl, he's the only one who can tell sexual frustration when he sees it?" Raph countered, instantly mortified at himself for actually saying it. He thought that it would come off funnier than it did. Leo blinked, not exactly expecting such a blunt answer and incredibly unnerved at the choice of words. He'd been thinking the same thing just the other week. He gapped like a fish for a few seconds before finding his voice again.

"Um, actually…I was referring to tracking me on my shell cell, but uh, yeah, cough you're right about the other," Leo said awkwardly, feeling a rush of heat flare up his neck and cheeks. Raph looked pretty embarrassed too, but continued anyway.

"Yeah, we did think of the cell, but we all figured you'd do something like that anyway," Raph stated. Leo stared.

"So, why didn't you guys follow, stop, or wig out on me?" Leo asked, completely incredulous. Raph rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly.

"Are you telling me that would have done any good?" Raph said, not waiting for an answer. "And incidentally, we do happen to trust your judgment. She's locked up anyway," Raph shrugged. "We would've started trailing you if we thought the Foot would try to bust her out or anything. We figured you'd assume that they're in contact with her and are planning on getting her out any time," Raph stopped at the look on Leo's face. "I take it from your stunned silence that you didn't think about that. Nice one Fearless."

"Hey, I don't tell you how to—" Leo began defensively, but Raph interrupted, raising both hands in placation.

"Listen, I understand. We're all mooning over someone at the moment," Raph said quietly. Leo looked inquisitively at his brother.

"Huh?"

"I kinda like Angel, ok?" Raph said defensively. "She's getting really good looking, has a lotta spunk, and is about our age." Leo could not believe that he hadn't picked up on his brother's feelings. Now that he thought about it, it kinda made sense. Raphael had been the one and only turtle Angel asked for when they first met. Raph had been the most openly comforting when her brother was missing—he actually volunteered a hug—and yet she ran to Mikey for comfort. She hid behind Mikey during the fight. Mikey, who'd been with her getting Casey back from the Purple Dragons while Raph was causing a distraction in the arena with Leo. Mikey, who always acted more fun, more like a kid, more spontaneous, was bound to be more attractive to a teenage girl.

"She likes Mikey?" Leo asked tentatively, but it wasn't really a question. Raph nodded shortly.

"He hasn't even noticed. I don't think he's mature enough or something. Sure he talks about girls…like April. I think he's always liked April. We all kinda do, or at least did, till we got distracted," Raph amended. Leo didn't deny it. He'd liked he too. Maybe that was part of the jealousy Leo felt towards Don when he discovered them kissing. But there was still something bothering Leo. Raph had been a little too earnest when answering in the negative about following him.

"So, you're telling me that none of you ever followed me?" Leo asked, incredulous. When he thought he saw a look of discomfort cross Raph's face, he continued. "Raph, tell me the truth. I can tell when you're lying." Raph scowled, shifting uncomfortably, but kept his voice under control.

"Yeah, so I did, the _tenth_ time you went to the same exact spot after we decided to check the shell cell tracker," Raph gave in, exasperated. "Wouldn't _you_ have followed one of _us_? Honestly Leo—and I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt here—what makes you think that you weren't being watched, or even listened to? You could've been ambushed so many times…" Raph shuddered. "I never came close enough to hear your conversations—I wouldn't eavesdrop like that—but I just thought you outta have some backup, a lookout, ya know?" Raph looked hopeful. Leo knew that his brother was right, and decided to give in.

"Yeah, thanks bro," Leo said softly, but couldn't help continuing, "more for letting me get on with it with backup rather than blowing you're lid and demanding I stop," Leo said coolly, but then smirked to let Raph know he was teasing…_well, sort of._

"No problemo bro," Raph winked rakishly. "Just though you might want to talk about it now," he paused. "You know, you don't have to wait for me to come to you. It's not likely to happen that often, but I'm always willing to listen," Raph said as he walked to the door.

"Ha, sure you are…except when you're not," Leo mumbled dryly, still smirking, as Raph disappeared through the door.

"I heard that," Raph stuck his head back in to find Leo laughing. Raph rolled his eyes, and chuckling, turned back through the door and into the lair.

---

"Raph and I are getting closer lately. I know you're not supposed to have favorites among your siblings, but Raph's mine. I'd go so far as to say that we're best friends. We've even got this club house kinda place on the corner of Eastman and 1st. Raph's there now, waiting for me to meet him." Leo paused for breath, (Um, yeah. A bit OC, but he had a lot of sugar that day; they just went on another one of those ice cream runs) not really registering the look on Karai's face. She seemed to blanch for a moment, but then worked very hard to keep her expression neutral, like she was trying to hide the fact that she'd just heard something important.

"You know—I heard a poem the other day. It went: 'the walls can talk and the sky can see,'" Karai said casually a few minutes later. "'You should not trust the unknowns that be,'" Leo looked completely nonplussed for a minute before his eyes widened in shock. _Oh shell. I just told them where to find Raph. What kind of leader am I? What kind of **brother** am I!_

"Yeah, you're right. I bet they're getting worried, so I'd better go," Leo said abruptly, giving her a significant look. She barely nodded as he climbed nonchalantly up the building. Knowing that he should go in the opposite direction of their hideout, he pointed his feet towards his brother anyway.

_I've already said where he is. God, what have I done? I've betrayed my own brother!_ Leo broke into a run, leaping from building to building and praying that he wouldn't be to late. A hulking figure watched him go from the shadows before turning towards the jail and speaking into a headphone.

"Karai, you're getting good at this… Unless you're actually enjoying these little visits," Huns voice emerged from the miniscule speaker, microphone, and camera apparatus tucked into the underside of the inside of Karai's window.

"I'm not even going to bother answering that. You saw that he's on the way? Now is the time," Karai's cool reply was emitted from Hun's earpiece. Hun signaled and suddenly the surrounding rooftops were covered in Foot soldiers. The Elite Guard appeared at his side. Hun pointed to Karai's window. The Elite nodded and moved towards the bars.

---

"Raph!" Leo called, still running, before he'd even gone all the way into the deserted top level of a small but tall parking garage. His voice echoed into the shadows, from which ninjas appeared from all sides, surrounding Raph and cutting Leo off from the exit. They seemed to take his cry as a sign. Raph turned, looking shocked. _Oh shell._

"It's a trap! Run!" Leo screamed across the parking lot, before dozens of ninjas attacked. They swarmed Leo, but he managed to parry, block, and kick most of the blows away from himself, getting closer to Raph, who'd refused to run.

"Leo, watch you're back!" Raph cried, starting towards Leo. Leo turned just in time to see the Elite Guard, but before he could attack, they'd disappeared in a puff of smoke. The only other target was Raph. _No!_ Leo did a pirouette so fast he knocked down three surrounding ninjas with his swords and foot and cricked his neck.

"Raph!" Leo screamed, vaulting over and leaping from the foot ninjas heads and shoulders until he was sprinting towards his brother. Raph managed to hold his own for a moment or two, but Leo didn't know if his brother would be able to for much longer. Leo pushed his screaming muscles to the tearing point. He would be there in a second—_Whump!_ Something huge rammed into Leo's side. Staggering Leo turned to see Hun.

"I don't have time for this," Leo snarled under his breath before blocking the behemoth's punch and delivering one of his own. Leo had just managed to break away and turn to aid his brother when he found one of his katana swept out of his hands, Karai standing in front of him, swinging the chain that had done it.

"Nnn—no," Leo stuttered, shocked. "Karai? What are you doing?" Leo asked, nearly begging, his world getting too complicated.

"My duty," Karai responded simply. Leo's expression hardened to match her voice.

"I trusted you, _traitor,_ and you deceived me. I would be willing to forgive you if you weren't standing between my brother and I, but I will do what it takes to get to him," Leo snarled, raising his remaining sword. Karai moved to block his attack, but his attack was a bluff. Leo allowed her sword to connect with his katana. While her arms were raised Leo kicked her in the gut. Karai's sword thrust forward as she doubled over, knocking Leo's other katana out of his hand. It was the distraction Leo wanted, however, and he rushed past her. Karai looked up as his blurred shape shot by, wincing. _No!_ She thought, scared.

Leo's feet pounded against the cold pavement. He could hear his breath, and that was all. Someone seemed to have turned off the sound on the scene in front of him. Raph was down, with an Elite poised above him, double-edged sword raised. In a moment Leo would watch as his brother's plastron was crushed, his body sliced open. Leo would see the blood. He would fall to his knees, press his hands against the wound, blood spurting on him, running down his plastron, on his face, his legs, the ground. Leo would watch as Raph died in his arms, both with fear in their eyes. Leo would want to say a million things, how much he cared about him, begging Raph not to leave him. Leo wouldn't have time. It would be over in mere seconds. He would fail his brother…He would lose his brother. _No! I've got to get in front of him._

"Raph, nooo!" the scream tore from his throat. Leo leapt, _too late,_ he thought. _I'm too late. He's gone. _Leo leapt anyway.

A flash of green, a spurt of red,

wide, frightened eyes, whites and brown.

Scraping, tearing, screaming, moaning,

and a thud,

then silence.

Pain, nothing but pain,

red and blue, twitching in the breeze,

both still, both stained with dark.

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My first cliffhanger! Yay! (Oh, and that last part was an attempt at poetry.) So what do you think happened? Leave me tons of reviews or I swear I won't update for a really long time! Muhahahah! I feel evil. ;) Seriously though, I want to thank those of you who've left me reviews so far: Tewi, LadyKatana45, red turtle, amyleefan, Ted, innocent-rebel, calliopechild, jynkx, Hakuchu, & oh, did I mention TEWI! Thanks bunches to all of you! I hope you'll all leave me some more. And any of you who haven't, PLEASE let me know what you think…even if you didn't like something, just tell me what. I'm getting closer to unwritten territory, so the updates will probably start to slow down a bit more. Sorry about that, but once again, reviews will make me write faster! Thanks, and have a happy 2006!


	7. Ch 7: Torn Apart

Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while since I last updated, but it's been hard to find time to write now that I'm back on campus. I'll try my best, though. Oh, & I still don't own the TMNT. This chapter's where the "angst" part of my story description starts to come into play. Hope you like it!

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Ch 7

Torn Apart

The Elite guard stood above Raph, blade raised. _I'm gonna die. Stupid Leo, why do you have to be so goddamn trusting?_ He thought bitterly.

"Raph, nooo!" Raph saw something out of the corner of his eye, but the flash of steel focused his attention back to the scene in front of him. Trouble was, now it was blocked by a big green shell… _What the—? …Oh God. No… _

Raph heard the most terrible crunching, followed immediately by a scream. But worse was the silence after the scream ended. It was broken only by the moaning. _Please, no. _Raph realized he was the one making the sound. It was a constant flow of pleading, negation, and 'Leos.' Raph knelt above his brother, watched him shudder, and saw the pain in Leo's eyes. Raph reached out for Leo. He wanted to do something—it looked so bad—as if there was anything he could do. Raph wasn't really thinking about it, but he did at least want to hold his brother's hand and offer whatever comfort and support he could. But the foot that connected with Raph's plastron stopped him. Raph found himself lifted off the ground and over the edge of the parking garage. He was still reaching out for Leo when he hit the concrete edge lining the level below with a sickening crunch. Welcome blackness enveloped Raph's consciousness. Thoughts swirled before they were lost in the chaos. _Leo, no. Le-_

---

"_Raph! Ra-------- hear me---" _

"_---od---Donny, what-----gonna--?" _

"_I d---know. ----got to wrap his shell-"_

"But---in piec--"

The words came in fragments of understanding. Raph drifted in and out of consciousness. All he knew was pain. All he remembered—nothing, he wouldn't let it in yet. _No, not yet… Can't be… Not Leo…_ _What? …Leo?_

"Leo!" Raph's eyes opened. He tried to sit up. Strong arms and a wave of pain pushed him down as he struggled frantically, calling out for his brother.

"Raph, calm down! Please lie still! I just put a cast and wrap around your shell, you can't move yet!" Don's voice broke into Raph's understanding, and he became still. Mikey cautiously raised his hands from where they had been holding Raph down, but they still hovered uncertainly.

"Leo, where's Leo?" Raph asked, trying to sound calm and rational so that he would get some answers even while his mind screamed.

"We don't know. His shell cell must have been destroyed, 'cause it's not transmitting," Don stated calmly, trying to control his own growing panic. "We were hoping that you could help us out on that one. Do you remember anything?" Raph shuddered; he remembered _everything_.

"Yes. It was her, _Karai_," he spat the word, "and her Foot pets, the Elite Guard. They took him. They cut him and we've got to find him!" Raph cried, losing his cool again. Don looked away for a moment and took a shuddering breath, as if steeling himself to ask something.

"He got cut? …Raph, how much of the blood that's on you…was any of it…his?" Don winced, knowing how painful that question was. Mikey shuddered, quickly stifling a sob. Don put his arm around his "little" brother before looking expectantly at Raph, who paled.

"Why? Donny? What if it was? What are you saying?" Raph tried to sit up again, nearly hysterical. Don and Mikey firmly but gently guided him back to the pavement.

"All I'm saying is that if it is all his then we might not have a lot of time to find him. We just need to keep calm and think. Were you on the level above?" Don asked.

"Yes. We were right by the edge." Raph replied, his voice wavering crazily.

"I'll look," Mikey said quickly. Don nodded, looking up from checking Raph's bandages.

"Be careful. I'd go too, but I'd better not leave Raph." Don said.

"Humph. Just go! Leo's bleeding," Raph insisted. Mikey was gone before Raph finished. It was a tense five minutes in which Raph and Don waited for Mikey. Don kept almost going to look for Mikey, but kept holding himself back. Finally, Mikey returned, looking dejected.

"I went over the whole area: nothing. Nothing but, but blood," Mikey shuddered. "No footprints though. There's nothing to go by, nothing to trace, nothing left…except this," Mikey held out something. It was a strip of leather, a little over an inch long and stiff with blood. It took Raph a second to realize what it was: a piece from Leo's shoulder strap. Raph reached for it, and Mikey handed it to him. Raph stared at it for a couple seconds, fondling it between his fingers, picturing how the Elite's blade must have nicked the strap going directly across Leo's chest, cutting off an inch or two. Seeing the blade's progress into the plastron below the leather, and the chest below that. Seeing the blood pour out again, his brother's face, already pale in the few seconds after the blow. Raph closed his fingers around the pathetic strip of leather that was all that was left of his brother. He clenched his fist as if he would never let go, threw back his head and screamed. It was a long, almost feral howl that dissolved into terrible crying. Raph bowed his head and, shoulders heaving, sobbed for his lost brother.

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Well, there you go. I really appreciate the reviews I got (as always) and would really love it if you leave me more/one.


	8. Ch 8: Denial

Hey guys! Sorry to leave you on such a downer note for so long…but this semester is crazy! I've got a new roommate in a new dorm & all new classes, including the dreaded calculus ominous music plays "dun dun duh." Lol, but I'm done w/ classes for today, so I thought I'd update. (Hey, anything to hold off my calculus homework…and the two papers…and the 3 tests…yeah.

Well, anyway…you know the drill: I don't own the TMNT. But enjoy my borrowed version anyway!

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Ch. 8

Denial: The first step to Acceptance?

"We're not giving up on him! We can't! He's not dead. If he was we would know it. He's out there somewhere and we're going to find him!" Raph insisted heatedly, absentmindedly clutching/rubbing the strip of leather that now hung on a thong around his neck. Raph had made this speech at least ten times in the last week, glaring at his remaining family as if daring them to contradict him: to tell him that it was hopeless, that his brother was gone. They all knew better by now; Raph was allowed to rant without interruption.

After the night in the parking garage, Raph had never given in to sorrow again. He refused. As soon as he'd stopped crying—even before the others regained control—Raph insisted that they look for more clues. Without words Mikey told Don that there was nothing left to find, so Don slipped Raph a tranquilizer from his bag of tricks. It calmed Raph down enough so that they could get him home and into bed, assuring him the whole way that they would keep looking for Leo while Raph healed.

And they did, too. They turned the city upside down. But there was no sign of their brother, and no sign of the Foot. They realized that the two had everything to do with each other, but they didn't know what it meant. _Are the Foot satisfied that they got rid of their enemy's leader? Are they setting up a trap with his body? Are they actually afraid of retaliation? _

_They would be, if they could see Raph, _was Don's take on the matter.

After the three weeks that it took Raph's shell to become stable enough for him to get back on his feet, however, Don was sick of hearing him insist that Don, Mikey, Splinter, April, and Casey simply weren't looking hard enough. Don was just as frustrated as Raph was that they had not even being able to find Leo's body to lay to rest—let alone find him alive. The idea of the Foot, or Bishop, or whoever having their brother's body to experiment on—tear up, poke, prod, and violate—was too much to bear. Don just wanted closure. As much as it would pain him to find his brother dead, he'd resolved himself to the worst. He'd already given up on Leo.

At first Mikey had been just as hopeful and motivated as Raph. He was sure that they'd get their leader back, if only because Mikey couldn't imagine life without him. After the weeks went by, however, Mikey was forced to come to terms with that image. Things were falling apart. They didn't know how to work together without Leo's guidance. Raph withdrew more than ever, except when he was snapping at the others to try harder to find Leo. He practically screamed at them whenever he felt that they had given up. Don had withdrawn from Raph too. He spent hours searching the Internet with April and the city with Mikey. Don had April for comfort, and Mikey came to Don. Splinter was there as the benign presence, but Raph had lost his best friend. Raph's mood fluctuated between extremes: depression one minute, incredible motivation the next, followed by irrational anger, and inevitably the depression again. No matter the mood, a punching bag inevitably received the brunt of it.

Splinter lost his luster. Nothing wounds a father more deeply than to see his child's time come before his own. He spent long hours meditating, searching for his son's spirit. That he had not found Leo pained Splinter more than he let his sons see. He tried to be strong for them, but he was feeling so old lately. He retreated more and more into the meditation. Even when he was sitting in the lair with them, Splinter wasn't truly _with_ them.

Casey tried to hide the animosity that he'd felt towards Don ever since Don and April had become a couple. Casey knew that the loss of Leo was more devastating than his personal loss of April. He was determined to be there for the family, but Don could tell how Casey really felt. Casey spoke mostly to Raph, Mikey, and April. He never displayed outright hostility towards Don, but he never really acknowledged his relationship with April either. Neither of them brought it up, and Don and April acted awkwardly around each other when Casey was there. None one wanted to admit that their little family was falling apart.

---.

…_Ouch. What's going on? Everything's fuzzy. _Leo thought dazedly.

"_Get me blood, now! If he dies, you all die."_ A voice commanded somewhere above Leo's head. The tone registered in his fuzzy brain more than the sound or words. In his confused state Leo thought that it was Raph speaking.

_So bossy…Good ol' Raph, he'll make the pain go away…always there for ya when ya need him…Raph…I should let him know, thank him…or something…_Leo slipped back into oblivion.

Karai pointed towards the infirmary, directing her Foot soldiers to place the severely injured turtle on a table. Hun watched from the shadows as Karai actually joined in and helped the surgeons she'd summoned to test Leo's blood type and put the appropriate IVs in his arm. They worked on his wound for hours, finally stapling the shattered plastron together in many places. After the last staple was put in, the lead surgeon wiped his forehead with gauze and turned to Karai. Her eyes were indiscernible, giving no clues to her thoughts, but the surgeon knew that the Shredder's daughter had meant her threat that death would be the reward for failure. She was like their former Master in that way, although life under the Shredder's daughter was better than it had been under her father.

"The turtle will live, although he has just barely escaped death. He is still in danger, and it will take weeks for him to heal enough to be able to move at all. Until his plastron heals, it is imperative that it stays completely still. He cannot sit up, nor be moved from a flat surface. That is, if you do want him to live—" the doctor said, not letting his exhaustion show.

"I do," Karai interrupted briskly. "You have done well and shall be rewarded for it. If you bring him back to full health, your pay will increase tenfold." The doctor's eyes widened in disbelief as he thought, _No, life under this woman will be **much** better than it was under the Shredder_.

"I will do everything in my power to assure that he recovers…however, I have had no experience with his—_kind_—before, and will therefore have to be cautious. From what I saw when cleaning and stapling his chest plates, it seems that his internal structure is the same as that of a human's," the doctor stated, matter-of-factly.

"Good. Just tell me what you think needs to be done before you do it." Karai ordered.

"I'm going to suggest that he be drugged so that he does not move. Any escape attempts on his part would certainly cause damage, not to mention that I would never allow that kind of failure to happen under my—" The doctor hastily explained, but Karai cut him off again.

"Dr., I am sure that you will be more than capable of keeping our _guest_ from moving. If you believe that drugs are the best way, then by all means, use whatever has no detrimental effects—Oh and Hun, don't you have anything better to do than glare at me and listen in on my conversations?" Karai stated bluntly, getting tired of her behemoth stepbrother's presence. Hun's glare intensified.

"What exactly do you think you're doing, _Karai_," he said, her name coming out as a growl. "Why are you insisting that 'our guest' be given such good care?"

"Because he is of no use to us dead, and the only way to keep him alive in his present condition is to be very careful. If he dies then we lose our connection to the others." Karai responded quickly, not looking at Hun as she helped the doctors clear up the area.

"So why don't we just use the freak as bait now?" Hun asked bluntly. "The other freaks will come for it and die like _heroes_ in the attempt to save it." He spat the word "heroes" like a disgusting curse. Hun makes it known that he holds honor in a low light.

"The Dr. has already explained that any attempt to move him might be enough to kill him." Karai responded, getting rather annoyed, but not letting it show as she kept her hands busy.

"So what if it dies? The other freaks wouldn't know the difference until it's too late. We give them its location, they'll come—" Hun began, but a voice interrupted.

"That's right big boy; fools who love are so easy to manipulate," Bishop said, stepping out of the shadows. "They won't need proof to come. Hell, they came for a robot. But I will argue that the turtle be kept alive and stabilized so that he can be properly studied. He's only of minimal use to me dead. There is _so_ much he can do for my research," Bishop grinned evilly. Karai narrowed her eyes. The last time they'd met, Bishop had fired missiles at her rocket, nearly ruining her father's plans. The time before that he'd captured her and threatened her life. She definitely considered him an enemy. Karai drew a sword and stepped forward and slightly in front of Leo. Bishop raised an eyebrow.

"There's no need to get defensive. I know we've had some spats before, but my dear, any argument we once had is no more. My disagreement was with your father, not yourself. I am a valuable commodity, much in need in your current, run-from-the-law state. Am I not correct?" Bishop said, still with that unnerving smile playing across his features. Karai sheathed her sword, but gave no further signs of welcome.

"Neither I nor the Foot have a need for any assistance from you. Leonardo is under my control and therefore my protection. You shall not touch him." Karai said, working to keep her voice cool and controlled.

"Now, now Ms. Saki. That's not the way the grownups play. I'm sure we can come to some arrangement. You want the turtle kept alive until you can use him as bait for the others? Well I want him kept alive until I can study and experiment on him. We want the same thing; we're on the same side. All I'm asking is that you consider the benefits of reserving the turtle for me until you're ready to sell him. And believe me, Ms. Saki, the government pays well. Just consider my offer." Bishop said, leaving a card on Leo's table as he walked out. Karai motioned for him to be trailed, but Bishop seemed to anticipate her reaction. He stopped and casually said over his shoulder, "Oh, and my operatives know the location of every one of your agents, so there's no point in having me followed." Bishop smirked and walked out.

"Is that a good enough reason for keeping him alive?" Karai asked Hun, gesturing towards Leo. Hun still stood immobile against the wall.

"I'd say it's an even better reason _not_ to keep it alive." Hun growled. Karai frowned before turning from Hun to address the entire room.

"The turtle will be brought back to full health, under the influence of drugs and the Foot's protection. Anyone who violates my decree will answer to my father's blade." Karai declared loudly enough so that all present could hear, and raising her gauntleted fist threateningly. Hun glowered. He didn't like having to answer to this _girl_. The Shredder had practically adopted him too. _What made Karai special?_ Hun groused, stalking out. The argument was far from over. The lines were being drawn.

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Well, there you go. Once again, sorry for the long wait. I really do appreciate the reviews, even though I didn't have time to respond to you individually. I'll try to next time, so please hit that review button and leave me one:)


	9. Ch 9: Shattered Hope

Hey guys…I'm back! Sorry for the month long wait, but things have been so crazy in college. I thought I'd reward you with an extra long chapter. Enjoy!

(I still don't own them)

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Ch 9

Shattered Hope

Raph ran down the streets, one after another. He'd left the clue finding for Donny and April; Raph was for action. He couldn't just sit in the lair doing nothing. Or worse, he couldn't simply morn, nor be around the others while they mourned. Especially Splinter. Raph couldn't face his father's grief; it was too much. _If Dad's given up_… So Raph went out every night, him feet pounding the pavement as the piece of Leo's shoulder strap—Raph's amulet—pounded against his chest. He'd search the entire city just to feel like he was doing something. He wouldn't accept that Leo was dead. He _couldn't_ accept that Leo was dead. Whenever one of the others forced him to consider it in a desperate attempt to get him to stop going out, Raph managed to be level-headed enough to answer that even if Leo was dead, they owed him enough to put his body to rest. Raph didn't really believe that this was an option, however. Somehow he just _knew_—call it sixth sense—that Leo was still alive. Somehow Raph knew that he would have felt something, or maybe the lack of something, if Leo had died.

So Raph searched, day in and day out. He started skipping meals. He didn't sleep unless he literally collapsed after arriving home from a night of searching. He formed dark circles under his eyes and lines on his forehead that hadn't been there before. Basically, Raph just looked terrible, almost as bad as he felt. But he was bolstered by the knowledge that his brother was still out there, somewhere, just waiting to be rescued. Raph was desperate to return the favor: to save his brother's life. His amulet served as a constant reminder. He was driven by love. He was driven by guilt.

---

Karai made sure that she alone had access to the camera in Leo's private room. The coded lock on his door was given out only to a chosen few trusted doctors and her two personal guards. Hun was watched closely and it was carefully noted where each member of the Foot's loyalty lie. Karai took no chances. Leo was still in very real danger, but the doctors assured Karai that he would live if not disturbed in any way. She was not sure why it was so important to keep him alive, so she declared all the louder the necessity of it for her plan to trap the others. She had no such plan. She had no reason to trap them. Her argument was with Leonardo. It was personal with him. He led the attack against her father; he saved her life. She stabbed him; she saved his life. She betrayed him…

_Life is too complicated._ She thought while looking down at Leo. He seemed so different while asleep: helpless. He looked so young. _He is younger than I am. He didn't ask for this… Neither did I, for that matter. We didn't exactly sign up for these jobs. Why did it have to be this way?_ Karai tormented herself with these thoughts, but was interrupted.

Leo moaned. It was almost time for his "medication." Karai wasn't proud of herself for drugging her captive, but it was the only way to make sure he didn't injure himself further by moving. As Leo squirmed and moaned again from the pain Karai moved closer to him. She extended her hand slowly to his face, carefully checking that the door was indeed locked before turning back to him with a soft expression. Her fingertips touched his cool skin and traced the curve of his cheek.

"Shhh, it's alright. Everything is going to be ok," she whispered, bending over and continuing to caress Leo's face until the automatic IV dispensing system turned on. She watched as his face slowly relaxed to completely impassivity. He looked like he was in deep slumber. He looked innocent. He looked dead. Karai could bear it no longer. She turned her face away and walked out of the room.

---

It became a routine for Karai to be with Leo every time he woke up. It was easy to do as his "medications" were administered every six hours. Karai instructed the doctor whom she had placed in charge of Leo's well being to gradually reduce the drug concentration given to Leo, so as Leo healed he slowly eased back on the dosages. When Leo started to come out of his drugged state earlier and earlier Karai talked to him. Leo wasn't truly coherent, but his dreams started to feature a black haired, green-eyed woman who showed him nothing but kindness. He smiled whenever he opened his eyes to hers or he heard her voice. It was almost pitiful to see how easily it was to manipulate his mind. He started to mumble to her as he woke up.

As the days passed, Leo started to come around more and more. As he healed, they were able to have whole conversations. No one else knew, but Karai suspected that she could have gotten anything out of Leo in those sessions, even the whereabouts and weaknesses of his family. She didn't try to find out, though. Sometimes Leo would wake up angry at Karai, remembering the bad things that she did. Their first argument occurred the day that Leo became aware of his present state.

He woke up suddenly, from a nightmare, calling Raph's name. He snapped open his eyes, struggling against his bonds for a moment before going stock-still. He stared at his bindings, taking in the room in which he was contained and all of the medical supplies around him, before his gaze fell on Karai. Instead of smiling, this time he narrowed his eyes and hissed.

"Where is my brother!" Karai was braced for this. She knew that the less Leo was drugged, the harder it would be, but she still wasn't looking forwards to the downside of Leo's captivity.

"Raphael is safe with the rest of your family. I do not know where they are. I have never asked and you have never said," Karai replied calmly.

"How long have I been drugged? Don't deny that I have, I know memory isn't supposed to be like this," Leo spat.

"You were injured two weeks ago, and have been drugged ever since. It is not what you think, however. You sustained a severe injury to your plastron. In order for it to heal, your torso has to remain completely motionless. You have been in a considerable amount of pain, as we could not keep the medications from wearing off every few hours, so we needed you to be drugged and restrained." Karai explained.

"Right, so now that I'm healed you'll just let me go?" Leo stated dryly. Karai frowned.

"You are not healed yet," she replied, not needing to answer the question.

"So why are you keeping me here? I'll never betray my family! You will never be able to hurt them through me! They were right about you. I should have never trusted you. You kept me from helping my brother. He died because…wait…is Raph ok? Leo asked fuzzily, his next dose of medicine already dripping into his system.

"I assure you, Raphael is alright. He has been seen running all around the city…presumably searching for you," Karai said gently.

"Good old Raph…knew I could count…on…" Leo's voice trailed off. He struggled to stay awake, but his eyelids were too heavy. They closed of their own accord and he went limp, breathing deeply and regularly. Karai stood where she was, head bowed, for a couple of minutes. It took a while to compose herself. When she raised her head again she looked cool and indifferent. It was imperative that this was the face the Foot saw. It was the only thing keeping them in her control.

---

The lair was full of silence and sorrow, as it had been for the past month. Mikey sat on the couch, staring at the TV, which was turned off. He did this a lot, no part of him moving except for the occasional tear running down his face. None of his usual pursuits seemed appealing anymore. There's no room for comedy when a brother is missing and presumed dead. Mikey was in shock, simply unable to believe that his "big" brother was gone. He stopped talking—never mind laughing or joking. If his family hadn't been so caught up in their own emotional turmoil, they might have been seriously concerned that Mikey was in danger of going catatonic. As it was, the best they could usually do for him was a hug and a communal cry session.

Don fared a little better, having not only his technological toys to occupy him, but also his love interest. April stayed with him constantly. Often she would try to distract him with work in his lab, helping him at the computer or feigning incredible interest in his projects. Other times she simply held him in his room. He cried himself to sleep in this position most of the time. April didn't go home anymore. She visited Casey once in a while, but he never seemed to be home, so she stopped trying. It was easier not to anyway.

Casey didn't come to the lair anymore. During the first month or two after Leo's disappearance, Casey spent a lot of the time helping Raph search. He usually influenced Raph to vent some of his frustration on any lawbreakers they found while doing it. After awhile, however, Casey realized that Raph wasn't interested in beating up lowlifes, he just wanted his brother back, so Casey spent less and less time with him. Most of the time, Casey could be found beating punks up on his own in the night, drinking alone when he stumbled into his apartment at four in the morning, and sleeping the day away until he awoke to do it all over again. He still kept his Shell Cell on though, just in case Raph needed him. But neither of them called.

Splinter meditated constantly, or at least, that's what his sons assumed he was doing. He didn't shut himself in his room, but he might as well have. He shut himself inside of, well, himself. His eyes were usually closed, and it was rare to see him in any position other than kneeling in the center of the lair. It was hard to tell whether he was aware of the comings and goings of the lair. Sometimes his ears twitched or an eye opened when Raph left or came home, but Splinter had stopped commenting on his son's behavior weeks ago. Raph noticed and took it as a sign that Splinter had given up, and this was his way of coping with the grief. That seriously ticked Raph off, but he'd kept his opinions inside, showing some sensitivity, and restrained himself to slamming his bedroom door. He usually regretted this immediately afterwards. The lair was like a tomb, and any noise like a desecration. The slamming simply reminded him how wrong everything was. Then Raph's pillow got it, until he clutched it to himself and buried his face in it, trying to stifle his cries.

---

Karai watched Leonardo sleeping. He had just been given another drugging, and would not wake up for hours. She motioned for one of her personal guards. He stepped forward and stood at attention with his arms behind his back, one hand holding the other wrist.

"Yes Mistress Karai?" He asked quietly. Karai did not look at him, but continued staring right through Leo, as if she was looking at something only she could see.

"You said that the red turtle continues to search the streets?" She asked softly.

"Yes Mistress. Every night he comes closer. We fear that he will soon discover that headquarters is no ordinary skyscraper. If that happens, it will be impossible to keep him safe, as you have ordered. There are many loyal to you in this organization, but many are loyal to the Elite Guards and Hun. They are already becoming suspicious that we avoid the turtle so. It is widely known that he usually travels alone and vulnerable," the guard answered.

"Then I want you to make sure he stops searching," she handed him a bundled up ball of blood-soaked leather with a significant look. "He needs to lose hope," Karai barely whispered, struggling not to show her shame.

"I understand Mistress. It shall be done," the guard said, pocketing the bundle and bowing before he was gone. Karai heard the door click behind him. Only then did she allow the breath she had been holding to escape in one long shudder. If Leo's brothers stopped looking for him, then there could be no trap. That would have been good, except that it meant that her best excuse for keeping Leo alive would soon be no more.

---

Raph pounded the streets yet again, gasping for breath. He didn't even know what he was looking for anymore. _Blood?_ He found that all the time, but there was no way to know if it belonged to his brother. More likely a mugging or gang fight. _A sword?_ Not likely. Raph hadn't found one yet, anyway. _Leo's bandana or gear?_ Same as the sword: not likely. _Leo's body?_ Raph didn't want to think about that one, but it pushed itself into his mind, more and more. He shook his head, desperate to eradicate the thought.

_No, he isn't. He can't be. I would know, and I know that he's still out there, somewhere. I just have to find him._ Raph assured himself, rubbing his amulet without realizing it, before assuring his brother. _I will find you bro. I'm never giving up. _

The sight of a couple dozen Foot soldiers interrupted Raph's thoughts, however. He nearly fell off of the roof he currently clung to in surprise. Raph hadn't seen the Foot since _it_ happened. He had an immediate and insane urge to attack the ones who'd hurt his brother. Neglecting to consider that he might have been able to follow them back to Leo, Raph screamed with rage and jumped down into their midst. If he'd stepped back from himself and watched the battle, he would have learned that one who attacks with rage, loses; Raph was quickly brought down by their superior numbers. A particularly fierce kick kept him down and struggling to stay conscious.

The ninjas around him started to fade and wobble a bit, but Raph was able to tell that one face was much closer to his own than the others. Raph realized that the ninja was talking, and tried to focus on the words.

"—your brother, Leonardo." The ninja said, snapping Raph back into focus.

"What about Leo!" Raph croaked, feeling a new rush of adrenalin send his heart pumping into his stomach.

"I bring news of him," the ninja taunted. "I just thought you ought to know that you have been wasting your time. He died that night—"

"No!" Raph said weakly, vet with much venom. "I don't believe you."

"I know, so I brought you a token. You can see that the blood is old. The body was destroyed. Your brother is dead," the ninja coolly whispered into Raph's fading ear.

"No," Raph moaned, tears forming in his eyes. "No, Leo—" he was silenced as the ninja hit the pressure point on Raph's neck. The last thing he saw as the world faded to black was the ninja's turned back.

---

"The mission was a success?" Karai asked as soon as her guard returned.

"Yes Mistress. The red turtle believes that his brother is dead. We suffered no casualties and no one but your most loyal ninja saw me talking to the turtle. We managed to convince the rest that your order to not kill the turtle clan should stand. Even so, I kept watch until the turtle woke and slipped into the sewers," the guard reported.

"You have done well. I thank you for this service," Karia responded. Her guard bowed slightly.

"It is an uneasy truce we have, Mistress. Many of the ninja I lead required intense persuasion to leave the turtle after he had fallen. And they were among your most loyal," he stated.

"I know, but it is a truce I am determined to keep." Karai said simply.

---

Heavy, dragging footfalls approached the lair. April was the only one to look up. What she saw made her gasp.

"Raph!" He looked horrible, stumbling through the tunnel. But more than the cuts and bruises, he was sobbing so hard that he could barely see where he was going. He'd tried to keep it silent so as not to attract attention on the way back, but now that he was home, he dropped all of his restraints and practically screamed. Everyone in the lair sprang to their feet, but Mikey was the first one to rush to Raph's side. Mikey's face was set. He'd already gone through this. Mikey had finally accepted that Leo wasn't coming home and grieved.

Don, and April's faces went pale. They knew what it meant that Raph had given up hope. They feared the worst, as did Master Splinter. He stumbled closer to Raph, extending a hand to his son.

"My son, Raphael, what has happened?" Splinter asked gently, voice full of grief and worry. Raph collapsed to his knees, and Mikey went down with him, just holding him.

"I got into a fight with some Foot… I—I lost. _We've_ lost. Leo's—Leo's gone," Raph moaned, reaching for his amulet. No one wanted to ask how Raph knew. No one wanted to know, but Don finally did it for them with just one word.

"How?" He asked, barely above a whisper.

"One of them told me…then gave me this." Raph held out the bundle of leather that the ninja had thrust into his hand. It was an elbow pad, belt and shoulder strap, all identical to the gear that each of the guys wore, save for being stiff and dark with old blood. There was a strip cut out of the front of the shoulder strap, about an inch long. The gear had clearly belonged to Leo. Don took the strap, looking from it to the leather hanging around Raph's neck. Don took a deep breath and bowed his head, trying to compose himself. He closed his eyes before speaking.

"He could still be alive. Just because they have him, doesn't mean…" but Don couldn't continue. The tears, constant companions as of late, started again. He didn't have any hope left. None of them really did, none of them but Raph, and he'd just lost his last thread of it. Raph didn't answer but to draw Don into the hug along with him and Mikey. Splinter and April joined as well. Soon the whimpering turned into crying, which gave way to sobs. They had just started on the path to acceptance. It was time for release.

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So, what did you guys think of the extra long chapter? This story sure is a downer, isn't it. I've got to be honest with you and admit that I've been having writers block ever since I discovered some plot holes in it. Unfortunately, (if you notice them) you may have to just deal, cause I can't figure out how to fix them. So, be warned that there may be another longer than normal wait for the next chapter. I will try really hard not to let it take more than a month, though. Please continue to review and give me input cause I REALLY appreciate it! Thanks!

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	10. Ch 10: Fearless & Raphieboy

Hey readers! Well, I did warn you that it would be a month, so at least it didn't take a lot longer than that…right? Lol, hope this makes up for it. This chapter is dedicated to Tewi, who begged me to update or she would die. Lol, so here yougo Tewi:

(None of us own the turtles...I know, sad but true...)

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Ch. 10

Fearless and Raphie-boy

Leo could tell that something was bothering Karai. She had been mostly silent during their time together the past few days. Things were boring enough when she wasn't around. The only things he had to look forward to in a day were here visits. So when even those were spent in silence, he was kind of unnerved. Leo was surprised at how much he missed their conversations, and equally so just how nice her presence still was.

"What's wrong Karai? You've been really distant the past few days," Leo asked, concerned. Karai flinched, looking guilty.

"I am worried that the protection I have declared for your family will not last. Less of the Foot is loyal to me than I thought," Karai said, admitting only part of what was bothering her. Leo could tell.

"At least you have declared the protection. That is something," Leo said, choosing not to comment on her deceit on this issue in the past. He didn't really trust that she would keep the truce this time either, but he knew that arguing would do only harm. "But that's not all. You're hiding something Karai. Please, you know that you can trust me," Leo said soothingly.

_But can you trust me?_ Thought Karai, before answering.

"Your brother has stopped searching for you. Raphael, along with the rest of your family, has accepted and believes that you are dead," she stated flatly, not looking at Leo. When he did not answer, she turned to face him. He looked like she'd just smacked him.

"He's, he's given up on me?" Leo asked, sounding like a child who has just suffered his first real disappointment. It was all Karai could do not to break down from the guilt. She could not speak past the lump in her throat, but simply nodded. She watched as the look on Leo's face transformed from disbelief to pain to acceptance. To her amazement, it then reflected relief.

"Then they are no longer in danger," Leo said. It was not really a question, but Karai answered anyway.

"No, they are not. That is why—that is why I told one of my ninja to tell your brother that you were dead, and to give him your gear as proof," Karai whispered, afraid of Leo's reaction.

"You? But why?" Leo asked, shock and betrayal written all over his face.

"So that he would stop looking for you. So I would not have to hurt him," Karai responded, the look on her face was ambiguous. Leo nodded. He understood.

"Thank you," he said. Karai tried to swallow past the lump, which had grown larger, and simply nodded, looking away. She could no longer meet his gaze.

"I do not deserve your thanks…I deserve no one's thanks," Karai stated bitterly, before leaving Leo alone with only the drip, drip of his "medication," once again.

---

One month later…

Raph pummeled the punching bag to near oblivion. He did a spin kick and then another, and another…until he was so out of breath that he didn't move in time to dodge the swinging bag as it retaliated. He grabbed it, panting, and leaned his forehead against its heavily taped surface. As he rested against it he suddenly flashed back to a memory of Leo doing exactly the same thing. Leo had been upset by Don and April's relationship and the lack of his own. They had talked for a while, without once bickering. That had been a really good day. Raph nearly fell to his knees from the force of the memory as it replayed over and over in his head. He forced it back. Raph let out a small growl, spun away from the bag and away from the memory, tore the gloves off of his hands, and flung them across the room. No one even looked up. Seeing how little an effect his outburst had caused, Raph sighed and walked away from the bag, head down.

Raph's hand wandered towards the amulet around his neck and held it up. He gazed at its heavily polished surface (from the finger oils left from constant handling) wistfully before looking up to see Don and Mikey both glued to electronic screens, one computer and one TV. A careful sweep of the lair revealed Master Splinter meditating, again, in a corner. Neither April nor Casey were there. They didn't visit very often anymore. Casey had pulled Raph aside and confided that it was just too painful, that Raph and the others had changed too much, that things could never be the same, and that he was sorry. Raph said that he understood and later split his knuckles open against his bedroom wall. The pain didn't exactly make the situation any better, but it did serve as a distraction…for about thirty seconds.

Raph had lately taken to pushing his body to and beyond it's limit when training. The punching bag was threatening to die if Raph didn't ease up. Raph usually didn't stop a "training" run (now more running than training) until he either threw up or felt like fainting. The eating came in spurts: one week he wouldn't have a bite and the next he would gorge himself to the point of discomfort. Same with the sleeping. He avoided it as much as possible in the first week after getting Leo's gear, for fear of nightmares and being too obsessed with training. But then Raph would give in, collapse on his hammock without taking off any of his gear, bandana, or the amulet—but he never took that off anyway—and just sleep for a couple days straight. He was much more prone to fits of temper, the smallest thing would set him off, but also to moods that came close to being depression. His family grew uneasy around him, and usually left him alone. They stopped looking up every time he growled or made some other expletive. Raph pretended that this didn't bother him, and pushed himself even further from his family.

Raph knew that this was unhealthy, that he was being an ass, and that he should be cherishing and interacting with his remaining family members, but it was just easier to be alone. Sometimes the growing distance between himself and his family saddened him, but usually he would just shove these feelings down, burying them under the anger, frustration, and guilt.

Now Raph wandered despondently around the lair, surprised to find himself at Leo's room. He peered in, almost meekly. Raph hadn't been inside since before _it_ happened. He walked over to Leo's bed and sat down, brushed a hand over the blue spread and brought the hand to his eye level. His fingertips were covered in a thin layer of dust. Apparently no one else had ventured into Leo's room either.

Looking around at his brother's possessions, Raph was beset by memories and feelings that he didn't want. In this atmosphere, however, he was persuaded not to force them back down; Raph let them come. He walked around the room, fingering Leo's possessions without looking at any of them. His eyes stayed unfocused, staring blankly at the walls, not really registering any of the photos, wall hangings, or posters fixed on them. Not until his eyes fell on the bulletin board above Leo's desk.

Raph's eyes focused on a manila folder tacked to the board. It held the words, "to my family, if I'm gone," written in Leo's handwriting. Raph pushed himself off of the bed before he finished reading it and staggered towards the board, leaning over the desk and reaching for the folder. He handled it gently, taking care not to rip it as he withdrew the tack and brought the folder down. Raph backed up, feeling his way back to the bed, and sat down hard, disturbing a small cloud of dust. He had trouble unfolding the metal clasps and taking out the papers inside because of how his hands were shaking, but he managed to withdraw the sheet of paper and four envelopes that it contained. Each envelope was addressed to a different member of the family: "Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Master Splinter." Raph set them down, separating the one addressed to himself, before looking at the paper. It was a letter, full of Leo's scrawling print, written in blue ink.

_My Dearest Family,_

_If you are reading this, then one of three things have happened: you've invaded my room and are looking through my stuff without my permission—If so, stop reading and get out now so I can take you down in the dojo! Lol, I guess we both hope it's that one, huh. Sigh, if you're still reading then I guess it's one of the other two: I'm either dead, or I've been missing for so long that I probably am dead. Sorry if that sounded harsh, but I'm allowed to talk about **myself** that way, right? _

_If I am missing, then I'm really sorry. I hope I didn't go on a training run alone and never came back, cause that would just be really stupid. I know I do that too much…but anyway, if I was captured or just disappeared, I really don't want you guys ruining your lives obsessing over trying to find me. I'm not telling you to lose hope, but, well, if you're reading this then you're assuming I'm dead anyway. I really want you guys to go on with your lives. Please just give me a funeral and move on. I know it will be hard, but together you can do it. Know that I'm sorry for putting you through this. I wish I could write something that will make it all better, but I'm doing my best here. (you wouldn't believe how awkward/hard this is!) _

_If you do have my body then I don't really care how you handle it. I suppose I'd prefer that my remains (ashes or body, whatever's easier) to be buried on the farm. Just don't stick my ashes in a granny urn and put it for all to see in the lair, cause that's just not cool…it's downright creepy. Please tell Usagi, if you can, and April, Casey, Leatherhead, and Angel, of course. Please share this letter with them (if you aren't already), because everything in it applies to them as well. Don't drift apart! You're all my family, so I'd be proud to have them at my funeral…just as long as there are no granny urns involved, got it! ; )_

_Ok listen, this is the important part: I love you. You know it; I know it…I just wish I'd said it more often. Please…PLEASE don't let this tear you apart. Hang onto each other, lean on each other, and for the Damiyo's sake, love each other! Ok? But what am I writing that for? I know you will…I know you DO. _

_Well, I wrote the more personal stuff in each of your letters, so this letter kinda continues in them. _

_With more love than I can express in writing,_

_Leonardo _

Raph sniffed wetly, wiping his eyes furiously on his wrist wrap to save the letter from tearstains. He placed it tenderly on the bed and slowly picked up the letter addressed to himself. Raph moved to tear it open, but then he stopped. He didn't know if he wanted to read it, didn't think he could handle seeing Leo's handwriting tell him that his brother really was…gone. But he wanted to know what Leo had to say—he had to know—so he broke the seal.

_Hey Raph,_

_I don't know what to say. I saved your letter for last cause it was the hardest to write (this is the hundredth draft, lol). I know what you're thinking—so stop it. You were the hardest only because there's so much that we leave unsaid, and I don't want this to sound corny or out of character or anything. Listen bro, you're my best friend—_

"Best friend?" Raph mouthed."That's what I thought…didn't know you felt the same way."

—_and we fight all the time, so it's hard to let you know how I feel. I keep looking at the door and wincing if I hear a noise. It was really early when I started writing but I'm sure you'll be up soon, and I really don't want this read any time soon… Wow, that was pretty obvious stalling/rambling, so I'm just going to start over._

_Bro, I love you and I'm proud to be your brother. I wish I said it more—_

"Ditto, but you didn't have to. I just wish I did."

—_but it probably would've just freaked us both out, so I didn't. _

Raph managed a small chuckle, almost in spite of himself.

—_You're my right hand man, so I'm going to ask you to take up more of the weight that I'm leaving behind. Sigh, I really don't want to do this, so I'm gonna give you some advise: with only three of you, it's your judgment call as to whether you think you'll need to step up as leader, or if you will be fine without one. I'd say that mostly you should work as a true team. I trust you all to look after each other. But…you were my supportive second in command, so I would be proud to have you take over as leader._

Raph couldn't read anymore. He didn't want to read this. He didn't want to "take over as leader" for Leo. He didn't want to "take up the weight" that Leo left behind. He didn't want to accept that there was any weight, or that there was an open leadership position.

"Damn it Leo, why? Why did you have to_—_"Raph stopped there, bowing his head ashamedly. Raph _had_ to keep reading; he owed it to Leo. Leo was right: it was Raph's responsibility now.

—_I am so sorry to do this to you. I wish I didn't have to, but if anyone is going to shoulder this thing, then you're the man—um, turtle—I want. Honestly, it would be ideal if you all shared the burden, so please don't be afraid—no, it's ok to be afraid, what I mean is—please don't hesitate to lean on them. I know you're more of a loner, and that's ok, but they need you, and (please don't take this the wrong way!) you need then just as much. _

_See? That's why this was so hard to write. I don't think you want to read any of this stuff, but I need to write it, so it's like a catch 22 or something...Raph, I really want you to be happy. I know we hung out more with each other than we didwith Mikey and Don (whether playing, training...or fighting) but you still have them…and they still have you. Don't obsess over what you've lost; focus on what you still have. _

"That's what people who haven't lost anyone say. You don't know what it's like, Leo. Everything reminds me. What's left just feels like so much less…like a whole lotta nothing," Raph muttered.

—_Now comes the tricky part: How I died and what happened before hand. We really did fight all the time (And that's ok! Neither of us ever meant any of the stuff we said), so it's really likely that we fought sometime before I died/disappeared. Don't obsess over it! Whatever was said (or thought, cause I know that can be just as bad), we would've made up if I hadn't gone. It's no fair that you focus on the bad—no fair for you I mean—when I get to escape it. And it's no fair to the rest of the family. They need you to be, well, no more down than you would have been from sadness. They don't need you to be obsessing over bad stuff. Keep in mind: if you're beating yourself up, then you're beating them up too. We're connected, like Splinter said, by the bond that we share. Just because my body's gone, doesn't mean that bond was broken. It's just as strong as ever. We need you to stay connected too, and that means taking care of yourself as well as them. It's ok to grieve (actually, they say it's unhealthy not to, but I'm not going to ask that you grieve for me)—_

"Hmph, you don't have to worry about that bro—" Raph's voice cracked.

—_but don't lose sight of what's left. And (wow, it's really pompous that I'm even considering it…but I'm willing to do it, so it might happen) if I died trying to save you or any of them, then don't start playing the blame game. I don't care how "stupid" you think a "mistake" was; it wasn't any of your faults. Do you hear me? It wasn't your fault! I did whatever I did (if I did in fact do anything—gah, I sound like Dr. Seuss) because I chose to…It's because I love you bro. More than anything I want you all to be sound and happy. Please, do all you can to be so, and to make sure they are. _

_If you think Angel will make you happy, then please try for it. You'll never know, and you'll probably beat yourself up if you don't give it a go. I'm so glad for Don, but I regret not trying harder for Karai…before we got rid of the Shredder. Unless she hurt(s) our family, please try to forgive her._

Raph growled. Karai had been there when _it_ happened. But he kept reading.

—_If she, or anyone, did or does hurt me/us, don't be driven by revenge. It doesn't work. I tried with Shredder, and it just wasn't enough. It was only when I was motivated by you guys (you know, wanting to protect you and whatnot)—_

"Yeah, I know," Raph groaned. "You're always focused on us Fearless—"Raph froze at the involuntary use of his nickname for Leo. "Or at lease, you were…"

—_that I could do what needed to be done. I'm not trying to give a guilt trip or lecture you or anything…it's just that's how I always come across when I want to get something (that I deem important) across. Just—just don't go getting yourself killed/hurt trying to avenge me or whatever. I don't want it. I don't want you guys to fall apart, and losing another member of the family wouldn't help. You got me?_

"Yeah, reading you loud and clear bro: 'Don't do anything stupid, don't die in some vain attempt at revenge, don't even think about seppuku.' I gotcha," Raph said wearily.

_I'm sure there's more that I could write, but I'm running out of time and paper. I can hear your snores subsiding—_

"Ha ha," Raph sighed, managing a weak smile.

—_so I gotta wrap this up. Please respect—or at least think about/consider—my wishes/advice. Take care of our family for me. And take care of yourself. I wish we could have grown old together, reminiscing on days gone by, laughing at our stupid old fights, and smiling over good memories…but you can still do that with the others, so please do. I want you guys to be happy, so move on. Don't let this hang over you forever. Keep the memories and talk about me during the good times. And just remember, they were all good times. I had a good life with you guys. Keep it going for me._

_Love,_

_your brother and friend,_

_Leo (aka: Fearless Leader) _

_P.S. Just so you know: I always loved that nickname. When we were kids and you first gave it to me, I felt so cool/accepted. The Fearless Leader: a cool nickname from my favorite bro. It was like something the leaders of superhero teams were called…I just couldn't lose face by admitting that I liked it, so I had to pretend that I hated it. Stupid, I know. But admit it, you feel the same about "Raphie-boy." You know you like it!) _

Raph smiled. _Yeah, so what if I do, Fearless? You just took away what I thought was one of the best ways to get under your shell... What am I gonna use now?_ A single tear snaked its way down his cheek, followed by several more. Raph sat there, unmoving except for his tears. Belatedly he realized that his letter was in danger of being smeared; there were already damp spots. He put it aside with the others and stared at his now empty hands instead.

Finally, Raph let it in. Curling into a ball and burying his tearstained face in Leo's pillow, immersed in dust, damp, and his brother's fading scent, Raph fell asleep.

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So…what'd you think? Just fyi, this is my favorite chapter. I know it's sappy and all, but it was a real treat to write. Hope you liked the letters too. Oh, & I'm serious when I say that I write faster when I get more reviews. I really appreciate Tewi for her loyalty, but I only got 2 others this time! Guys! For all I know only 3 of you read ch 9. Why would I bother continuing this story if only 3 people are reading it? So please, let me know that you read it and still want more. You don't have to sign in. You don't have to faun over it or anything. Please, just an "I read it. Keep it up," will suffice. I'll answer any questions/respond to all your comments if you'll only give me some! Please?

Ok, enough of that. I must apologize at how far this is getting from cannon. Remember, I started writing it before season 4 began, so it's basically an alternate season. Hope that doesn't bother anyone. Later.

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	11. Ch 11: Fraternizing with the Enemy

Apology: I am so sorry for the months and months in between updates! I've just been busy with vacations, jobs, and friends: you know, the usual summer stuff. But getting so many positive reviews for ch 10 really motivated me to put this one up, so here you go.

Explanation as to what the heck is going on in the story: This chapter takes place the same night that Raph found the letters, which is about three months after Leo's capture. Karai and Leo's relationship has progressed quite a bit over the last month, to the point of romance. (Recall Leo's earlier lusting after her; this has been building for a while.) Karai is beginning to feel the same. Plus she likes the feeling of being in control of the relationship. She's still a baddie, remember…we just don't know exactly where on the spectrum she falls.

Majorly important disclaimer: This chapter contains an adult scene: seduction. I don't think that it's rated M, because I deliberately left most of it up to the readers imagination, but if any of you think that it's too mature for the rating and needs to be upped, please don't hesitate to tell me! And if you are offended by adult situations, just skip the 1st section.

And as always: I do not own the TMNT.

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Ch. 11

Fraternizing with the Enemy

Karai was in an odd mood. It was almost playful, but was much too devious for that. She carried a small boom box in one hand, and twirled a sword in the other. As she approached the door to Leo's cell, she instructed the guard that no one was to be allowed in, period.

Karai strode in, and placed the boom box down without looking at the turtle strapped to the bed.

"You're in an interesting mood today, Karai," Leo said cautiously. It was true that he could tell. The more time they spent together the more sensitive he was becoming to her aura. Karai smirked as she pressed the play button.

"Yes, yes I am. I was inspired by this song...it's one of my favorites. Or maybe it just reflects my mood well," Karai paused to allow Leo to hear the heavy beat that started the song. He recognized it almost immediately as NIN's, _Closer_, and grew wary.

"Do you feel like playing along?" Karai asked, suddenly at Leo's side. Leo didn't know how to answer, sure that he was misreading her feelings. "Or do I need to _persuade_ you…" Karai's next move changed his mind. She leaned over Leo so that her chest pressed against his plastron, slipped her hands behind his neck, and started kissing him.

At first Leo was much too shocked to do anything, but that didn't last very long. His body took over for him, kissing her back. Karai seemed to take this as a sign to go further. Her hands wandered over his body while her mouth moved down to place feather light kisses in the hollow of his throat, and on his plastron. She slipped off his mask and breathed in his ear. Leo couldn't keep himself from letting out a small moan. Karai grinned wickedly, obviously enjoying herself, and moved lower. This prompted Leo to find his voice, albeit a bit husky.

"No Karai…We can't…Not like this…with me tied up," Leo protested, somewhat breathlessly. Karai looked up from what she had been doing and tossed her hair playfully.

"Then I had better untie you, hadn't I?" She whispered in his ear. Leo's eyes widened despite his strong efforts to not show any reaction to her words. He hadn't been free for weeks.

"The doctors told me that you are now essentially healed and can therefore move without suffering any damage, so long as you do not sustain any blows to the plastron, that is. I'm keeping your arms cuffed, but I'll untie everything else," Karai cooed.

_So she still doesn't trust me, even though she wants this. But what does it matter anyway, I'm dead to my brothers, and she is so very alive._ Leo thought fuzzily.

Karai straddled him, untied his middle, then his ankles, then finally, she removed the straps over his upper arms. She looked into his eyes, and saw something that scared her: it looked like love. She hesitated and, not breaking the eye contact, slowly untied one of his wrists. Leo made no sudden movements, but he brought his hand up to her face slowly, cautiously. He caressed her face and then moved down her neck…

Karai pulled on the ends of her belt and let it fall off. She slipped off her shoes and then finally the pants. Still straddling him, Karai shifted her position. Leo met her gaze, and did not protest.

---

Karai rested in the shelter of Leo's arm, her head in the hollow below his shoulder. He held her as he slipped into oblivion, and Karai was not long in following. They slept the night this way, both lucky that Karai had thought to disable the camera in this room and place her most loyal guard on duty that night. They were unlucky in that Hun was well aware where Karai had spent the night.

---

It took Raph a few moments to orient himself when he woke up late the next morning. His eyes and sinuses felt something awful, all swollen and stuffed up, and his surroundings were somewhat off. After he realized that he'd fallen asleep in the dust covering Leo's bed, he quickly checked to see if he'd rolled over any of the papers. Most of the envelopes had fallen, undamaged, to the floor, but the letter addressed to everyone was slightly crumpled. He snatched it up, as if to protect it from any more damage, and lovingly smoothed it out. It wasn't really bad, still quite readable, at least.

Raph gathered the fallen envelopes and stood up. He should have shared them with the rest of his family as soon as he'd found them, but now was as good a time as any. Entering the lair, Raph heard noises coming from the dojo and figured that was what woke him up. Apparently Splinter decided that Raph's sleep was more important than his training.

_Or maybe he's just trying to keep me from training, period. I wouldn't be surprised… I have been overdoing it_, Raph thought.

_Nooohhh. You think?_ Leo's voice popped out of nowhere, startling Raph. He recovered enough to smirk.

_Haunting me from the grave, bro?_ Raph asked.

_Yup. Nothing better to do, Raphy-boy…Now stop stalling and share those letters with the guys_, Raph's thoughts, still speaking in Leo's voice, answered himself. Raph sobered up and walked into the dojo. The atmosphere changed the moment Raph stepped foot inside the space. Practice halted as everyone looked up, not knowing what to expect from their least predictable brother. Raph smiled wearily, and even chuckled.

"It's just me. Thanks for letting me sleep Sensei—Dad," Raph amended. Splinter smiled and nodded. They all knew that Raph spent the night in Leo's room, but no one commented on it, so Raph figured it was up to him to broach the subject.

"I found something in Leo's room: a letter addressed to all of us, as well as personal letters… Here," Raph handed them out, and gave Splinter the group letter as well. "Do you want to read it out loud?" Raph clutched his envelope, closed with the letter back inside, as if he hadn't read it yet, in one hand, and fingered his amulet in the other.

Splinter gazed disapprovingly at the latter action. They were all a little worried by this habit. It was one thing when Raph made a necklace out of the bloodstained strip of leather that Leo wore when he died. That was odd enough, but was just an oath, a way of promising that Raph would find Leo. But now that the most they hoped to find was a body to put to rest…the fact that Raph rubbed the thing whenever he was upset, as if it was some sort of comfort blanket or even a spiritual object, to the point that the thing was as smooth and shiny as a bear claw, seemed a bit unhealthy. Raph handled the thing like it really _was_ an amulet: as if it held a piece of Leo's spirit.

Splinter, like everyone else had been doing, refrained from commenting on this habit, and nodded instead. He unfolded the letter, and read it to his family.

---

Looking up from his letter with tears in his eyes, Splinter checked to see how each of his sons was taking their own. There were tears in everyone's eyes, but also smiles and even a few chuckles. Raphael seemed to be the most composed, but Splinter knew that he'd already read his own the night before. Michelangelo was the one chuckling the most, smiling through his tears. It was wonderful for Splinter to see his brightest son smile again. The lair had been too dark without it. Don looked calmer than he'd been before; the look spoke of acceptance and peace. It seemed that Leonardo had known what to say to each of them. Splinter was proud of his son, proud of the brother he'd been, and the man that he'd become. It was unfair that he was taken from them at such a young age, but the letters helped to ease the pain. After he was sure that all of his sons were done reading, Splinter spoke, echoing Leonardo's own wishes.

"I think that it is time we put your brother's spirit to rest...as he requested it be." There were no objections. Everyone nodded. They weren't exactly ready—they'd never be—but they were as prepared mentally and spiritually as they were going to get. All they needed was some direction from their leader. Eagerly, they obeyed.

---

Karai went to Leo as often as possible. On their second tryst, she untied _all_ of his bonds and left them off. Three months after his capture and a week after their first tryst, they had grown to trust each other completely. Two weeks after this, Karai carried a large backpack with her into Leo's room.

"I am going to get you out of this cell," Karai whispered, as if the walls weren't soundproof. Leo's eyes widened hopefully. He was almost afraid to ask.

"Do you mean you're letting me _go_, go?" Leo asked tentatively. Karai looked down before meeting his eyes. There was nothing but sadness in her own.

"I cannot. You are the reason I can convince the rest of the Foot to not seek out your brothers. If I let you go…they would attack you as soon as they realized what was happening. Now, as our hostage, you are their reassurance that your brothers will not attack while we are "vulnerably" not attacking them. If I let you go, the vendetta would continue. I cannot—I cannot let you leave," Karai whispered, so softly now that Leo could hardly hear her. He could sense the pain in her voice more than hear it, but it wasn't enough to heal his own right away.

"Oh, oh I see," said Leo curtly, and he did. She hadn't changed completely. She was still the leader of the Foot clan first, his lover second. He pulled away, turning his back on her and pacing the small space restlessly. "Then where are you going to take me?" He finally was able to ask.

"To a room in my private chambers. If you will consent, I believe the best thing is to integrate you as one of us. You will be a trainer and my captain. I will have to _convince_ a fair few, but I still hold enough of the respect that my father once had to control them. I have made a uniform for you already," Karai said, digging through her bag and withdrawing a pair of soft, black leather pants, tight long sleeve shirt (with an very low back to leave his shell free and exposed), and lose vest (to cover the shell), black leather gloves that nearly reached his elbows and had silver armor plating like Karai's own pair, black leather boots with silver fastenings, a black leather belt and shoulder strap with his own swords in the sheaths. The belt also had a silver Foot emblem/flame-shaped buckle set with a blue topaz, and embroidered blue and silver flames dancing along its length. Similar blue and silver flames licked at the hems of the pants, shirt, and vest as well. The blue was the same shade as his bandana, which she gave back as well, either washed or remade.

Leo was too overwhelmed to speak at first, there where so many thoughts buzzing through his head. For one thing, he was _really_ glad to be reunited with his swords and bandana, and surprised that she was actually giving him the former. For another, he wasn't too pleased with the prospect of wearing that Foot emblem on his belt, but…he had to admit the outfit looked pretty cool. He decided that the best, and really only, thing to say would be "thank you," so he did. Karai nodded, pleased, and placed everything on the bed. She turned her back and Leo changed.

The first thing he did was to tie on his bandana. It _was_ a new one, but Karai (or whoever had made it) had been careful to use the same fabric. It felt just as soft, if not softer, than his old one. Leo relished the way the world looked from behind his mask once again, before starting on the rest of the apparel, glad that he'd had some experience with clothing before. He was surprised at how soft and flexible the leather was. He'd expected to be somewhat restricted and hot, but it wasn't like that at all.

_I guess crime really does pay: nice quality stuff._ Leo admitted to himself, admiring the flame adorned leather. Karai smiled and took out two more items from her bag, a black cloak complete with hood and silver fastening, and a mirror. She handed him the cloak and held up the mirror for him to look. Leo threw the cloak over his shoulders, fastened the clasp (also Foot/flame shaped), and put up the hood. His reflection was unrecognizable, his face in shadow. Not a bit of green showed.

"It will be a much smoother transition if they can sometimes forget that you are one of the "hated turtles," Karai explained. Leo only nodded; he understood.

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Yeah, so I was gutsy (or perhaps just predictably fan-girl) and wrote an adult scene. Karai and Leo did "do it," and I know that it's incredibly and unforgivably out of character, but it's on the Internet now so (in my story at least) it has been done. I apologize if you didn't like the Leo/Karai paring, but it is after all the nature of my story…so there you go. Please don't leave me nasty reviews. I would however love some nice or at least thoughtful ones. Thanks in advance!


	12. Ch 12: The Hole

Hello readers! I know it's been a year since my last update, and my sincere apologies for that, but I've only had time now (since it's summer again) to write a bit more. It's still not finished, but here's an update on how the family's holding up. Enjoy!

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Ch. 12

The Hole

Eight figures stood, shivering in the brisk, November wind. They formed a semicircle, surrounding an old oak, a heap of earth, and an empty hole on a small knoll. Each figure held a lit candle in one hand, and something else in the other.

Four of their number approached the hole.

Usagi was the first to step forward. He held a sword, wrapped in blue cloth. He knelt in front of the hole, placed the candle in one of the eight holders surrounding it, bowed his head respectfully, and closed his eyes. Still with eyes closed he spoke:

"Leonardo-san, as the leader of your clan, you were irreplaceable and have left your family adrift, but my friend, you have also left me reeling with grief. Even now, I am in shock, convinced that this is all a bad joke, or some trick played by Draco. I am convinced that any minute I will wake from this nightmare."

"You helped me to understand friendship again. After I failed my master, I vowed to never become close to another. But you guided me beyond this mentality. When you were poisoned in the Big Brawl, I found it easy to fight by your brothers' sides. But I found it even easier to fight by your side. I thank you, more than I can say, for assisting in the rescue of the leader of my clan, as well as Tomoe Ame. Your honor was always a source of admiration for me. I am glad to have known you."

"I bring you the sword that I gave you for Christmas, those years ago. I know that it is cheating to try to pass something off as a gift twice, but I am afraid that I could never part with the sword you gave me. I hope that, wherever you fell, you were able to have your swords in your hands. If not, let this sword rest in your hands in the next life."

Usagi opened his eyes and unsheathed the sword from its cloth, held it above his raised head, and pressed it into the soil in front of the oak, but behind the hole. He used it to help him stand, burying the tip deeper into the earth. Usagi bowed deeply to the shrine and returned to his spot in the semicircle.

Leatherhead stepped forward next, carefully placed the candle, dwarfed in his giant hand, into its holder. He pressed the other hand against the tree, bowed his head and was silent for a time. Finally, after a quiet sniff he spoke.

"There is nothing I could say to express the altruism that Leonardo displayed. He accepted me into his family, trusted me even after I hurt one of his brothers, and was a joy to be around. I will miss him, and nothing could express it better. I give a poem that Leonardo brought back from Japan for me. It is about balance, and helps me during the times when I reflect on what I am. He understood me, and has supported me when I needed it most. For that, I thank him, and will miss him deeply."

Leatherhead placed the poem in the hole and stepped back to his place. Angel moved to replace him in front of the tree. She looked sadly up at its canopy, blinking rapidly. She heaved a shaky breath, and said simply:

"Leo was a really great guy. He was cool, like my brother. He was like a second big brother, accepting me into the family like I was really one of you, just because Casey knew me. I will never forget how he saved us, and my brother, from that monster. I will never forget him. I brought a CD of songs I think he'd appreciate. Hope you've got a CD player wherever you are Leo."

She gave a half-hearted laugh, her face working furiously, until a single tear escaped her control. Raph saw and opened an arm for her. Angel buried her face in his shoulder for a few moments, until she regained control.

"Hey, it's ok. Leo knows how much you cared. And so do we," Raph murmured, squeezing Angel's shoulder for a moment. She heaved another breath, nodded, and managed a smile.

"I'm sorry. I should be comforting you guys," Angel apologized sadly.

"Hey don't worry, you'll get your chance," Raph said, biting his lip and looking away, blinking away his own tear. Casey was talking quietly at Leo's shrine, seemingly directing his words to Leo. He placed a baseball bat in the hole and stepped back.

"Hey Leo, I know you're all wise and stuff now, but know that I had a lotta fun taking down those Dragons with you in your bad time, along with all those other times. This is to remind you a them. Hope you don't have ta fight where you are…cause you deserve a break. All your life you had ta—you just deserve a break. Not really fair, is it. You never got a break. No, you guys never get breaks, and if you do, jerks like me begrudge you a them—"

Casey broke off, looking down. April and Donny exchanged looks. April stepped forward and placed her hand on Casey's shoulder. They just looked at each other before they hugged. Casey held her in the embrace like he never wanted to let go, but then pulled back, keeping a hand on each of her shoulders.

"Donny," Casey said quietly, "I want you to know that I'm happy for you both. I'm really glad that something is finally going right, even with all the wrong. And I'm sorry for being stupid. You deserve someone special, and April's that someone." Casey took his hands off of April's shoulders. He took her hand in one, and Don's in the other. "You deserve each other, and I'm happy for you." Casey said with a sad smile, bringing their hands together and withdrawing his own. April and Don held hands, looking between each other and Casey.

"Casey, I'm sorry—" Don began, guiltily. "I know you two were going somewhere. I know you liked—"

"Don, I can move on, you two are once in a lifetime. Don't be sorry, I just don't want us to avoid each other any more. It's not what Leo would want, and it's not what I want. I love you guys, and I just want us all to stay friends," Casey said. Don nodded.

"You can count on that Case.'" Casey smiled, bringing a smile to Don's face as well.

"Leo would be happy that you two made up," April said quietly, smiling through her tears. She took Casey's hand again as well as Don's. "We'll get through this together." Don and Casey nodded resolvedly. April turned to Leo's shrine, picked up her candle and the bouquet of roses she brought, and placed them both on it.

"I'm really going to miss you Leo. You were my brother, and you will always be. Because we're family, and I could never run out on you…" April's face twisted, and she broke down from the memory, burying her face in her hands. Don handed Mikey his candle and wrapped his arms gently around April's waist.

He murmured something in April's ear to which she nodded. She looked up and gazed deep into his eyes before nodding and taking a step closer to the hole.

"There's nothing in my life that I am more thankful for than meeting you and your brothers and becoming a part of your family. It will never be the same, but I know that you'll always be watching out for us. I just wish that you could do it in person. I'll miss you more than I can say Leo."

April stepped back and gave Don's hand a squeeze. He squeezed it back before taking the candle offered by Mikey and placing it into the holder. He then withdrew Leo's elbow pad from within his belt pouch and held it for a moment before placing it in the hole.

"Bro, you have no idea how bad things are without you. I miss you asking for my help, I miss your confused look when I started talking about anything technical, I miss your smile when I handed you the finished product, and the genuine way you said 'thank you' that showed me that you really appreciated me. I miss you leading us, I miss your stories, I miss your sense of humor, and your sense of honor. But most of all, I miss you and the sense of family I had when we were all together. So things are really rough. But they're better since we found those letters. You always did know exactly what to say. And I promise, I will keep on keeping on; for you bro, anything," Don said, referencing his letter. He stood and Mikey stepped forward, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder as he passed, and faced the hole. It was hard for Mikey, to see that wound in the earth. It represented horrible things, things he hoped he'd never have to face. It represented the hole inside of himself that his brother used to fill.

"Leo, bro, I'm really feeling lost without you. I don't know what to do without your guidance. I keep expecting to hear your voice; I sometimes start a sentence directed towards you before I remember that you're gone—Do you remember what you said? 'In this world we only have each other. If one of us go down, we all go down'…Well what about that, huh? What are we supposed to do without you!?" Mikey threw Leo's knee pad into the hole, pushed away, turned his back, and spun around to face it once more. His family looked on in shock at his angry outburst, worse than any amount of sobbing. "Why would you be so stupid, to trust her!? How could you do it to us? How could you leave us!? What about us? What are we going to do, go down?" Mikey shouted.

"You told me not to. You promised you'd protect us…why couldn't you protect yourself?" Mikey whispered, trailing off brokenheartedly. He wouldn't meet any of his families' eyes, but he didn't have to. Splinter drew closer to Mikey, enveloping him in his loving arms.

"Shh, it is alright my son," Splinter whispered into Mikey's ear. "We will not fall, for your brother has not fallen, he has not left us, and he is still with us. We are connected still, and we will never drift apart."

"I know Father, but it hurts," Mikey whispered into Splinter's fur.

"And it will always hurt, but that is the proof that Leonardo is still with you. Do not feel ashamed, but do not feel bitter either."

"I don't, I just—I can't feel anything but the pain, like something's been torn away and left a great hole inside where there used to be goodness and love," Mikey said. In his eyes was the sadness of ages. His wound would never heal, for his "big" brother would never come back.

"Yes you can; you can still feel the love, the bond that connects us all. Just reach for it. There, you can feel it still," Splinter reminded him softly. Mikey closed his eyes for a minute before nodding into his father's shoulder, taking a minute more to compose himself before pulling back.

"Thank you Master Splinter," Mikey said, standing tall once more as Splinter placed Leo's bandana into the hole and stepped back with Mikey. Splinter bowed his head for a moment but seemed unwilling or unable to speak. They stood like this for a few minutes, silent but for the wind rustling their bandanas. Raph stepped towards them, clapping a hand on Mikey's shoulder and giving them both an understanding, albeit weak, smile before moving in front of the shrine and putting his candle down. Raph looked down at the stained shoulder strap clutched in his fist. He relaxed his hand and watched the creases in the leather smooth out as it slipped over his fingers and dropped into the hole. With his now free hand, Raph clutched the leather amulet around his neck instead.

"I need to let you go, but I really don't want to," Raph whispered so that no one else could hear.

_We will never be separated. What you need to let go is the idea of me being gone. That thing around your neck is nothing but a smelly piece of bloodstained leather and is one of the things you need to let go. Then you can start to move on; the others need you to move on. You can do it. I will help you_, said the part of Raph's mind that spoke in Leo's thoughts. Raph nodded, slowly unsheathing one of his sai. He clutched the leather strip, pulled until the thong was taunt around his neck, and severed the cord so that the false amulet lie still in the palm of his hand. His family watched as he looked down at the small bit of leather shake along with his hands. He did not want to let go.

_You can do it Raph, but only if you want to…only if you're ready._

"I do, I am. I need to move on because they need me...But it feels like betrayal," Raph breathed.

_It is not. To leave them stranded would be betrayal. I want our family to be whole. They need you to be whole before you can make them whole. Let it go._

Raph turned his hand over and let it go. With his entire family at his back, he allowed himself to come back to them. Somewhere, Leo smiled, even if this somewhere was just in a corner of Raph's mind.

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Well I know it's been a year, but there you are. I really want to finish this story, but I can't make any promises. I have no idea how many of my original readers are still on but if you are and you see that I've updated, a review would be absolutely wonderful. The reason I updated today was because I noticed in my inbox that I got another review and I realized that it's mean to leave you all hanging. So…happy reading and writing and until my next update, cheerio!

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	13. Ch 13: Life Goes On

Hello readers! I know it's been two years since my last update, and my sincere apologies for that, but I've gotten away from for a while and am finally getting back into it. I never finished the story, so I'm still not exactly sure how I'm going to wrap this up, but I have a few more chapters for you now and I'll do my best to figure out the rest. Enjoy!

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Ch 13

Life Goes On

"Higher Kino, you must lift your leg above your shoulders when performing that kick," Leo instructed one of his young pupils as Leo passed the young lad walking down the aisle of students who were all new recruits. He was a pizza delivery boy caught trying to interfere with one of their "business deals." In the Shredder's time he might have been killed, but the ones who caught him were Leo's students, so they brought Keno back to him. Leo was cloaked when he interviewed the boy, taking a long walk around headquarters and talking about its history. By the end of the walk Leo had taken off his cloak, and Keno didn't flinch. It turns out he'd delivered pizza to April's apartment and thought he'd seen a big turtle clutching a panda teddy-bear under the table. At the time he chalked it up to working a few hours too late, but seeing Leo assured him of his sanity.

"Yes Master Leonardo," the boy replied respectfully, as all of the younger Foot members now did. Even many of the ninja who'd served under the Shredder now accepted the strict yet understanding turtle who Karai had chosen as her second in command. And, rumor had it, who Karai had chosen as a lover as well. To speak such things was unforgivable, of course, but some of Leo's favorite students and peers had come close to teasing him about it. They were all happy about how the clan was being run lately.

Leo stopped to correct a girls footing, and turned to do the same to her neighbor. Glancing around the room, Leo signaled the students to continue. He stepped back and just watched. They were getting much better, and Leo felt a surge of pride well up in his chest. He had only been working with them for two and a half months, but already he'd seen so much improvement, not only physically, but also mentally. Karai and Leo were gradually changing the purpose and mindset of the Foot clan to a more protective, look-after-the-city kind of role, much as Leo had lead his family.

The thought of his father and brothers brought a stab of pain, but Leo was controlled enough not to let it show. He missed them and was worried. No Foot member had seen them in months, just as long as Bishop had been missing. Leo bolstered himself with the knowledge that in remaking the Foot clan's inner workings, he was making life safer for his family. There were now only pockets of ninja still intent on viewing the turtles as enemies, but they were smart enough not to make trouble for Leo. He had a lot of power in the clan, unbelievable as that may seem. Karai, as the leader of the Foot clan, placed him in charge just below her. Together they enforced it, so Leo stayed as second in command.

Leo and Karai worked to train the ninja in defensive maneuvers, meditation, and most vitally, the importance of caring for each other and respecting all life (that means the people and turtles that they had previously hurt). Leo educated them in open-mindedness and acceptance through stories of his life and encounters with assorted aliens and dimensions. Finally, when he deemed the ninja advanced enough in the things that Leo decided were important, he would tell them of the Shredder's dark side, explaining Don's vision and how Shredder had almost achieved it. Some believed him, others didn't, but all knew that the Shredder had been a brutal leader. Karai was often nowhere to be found when the "final battle" tale was told.

All in all, Leo and Karai were happy with the way things were going. Hun and Bishop were their only problems. Well, Hun was a pretty big problem. He and Karai argued voraciously over Leo constantly. The last straw fell when Karai gave Leo a higher position than Hun as well as the training job. Hun attempted to attack both Leo and Karai, but was driven out by a crowd of loyal ninja. He was last seen with the Purple Dragons, now the new and improved Foot clan's biggest concern.

Leo could almost say (and believe) that he was proud of his work, proud of Karai and the other Foot ninja, and proud to wear the Foot symbol…almost. It was still hard for him to have to wear that buckle, and he'd stopped wearing the cloak after the first month. It didn't really make the Foot believe that he was any less turtle, and was nearly impossible to perform ninjitsu in, so he left it off, wishing he could take the whole ensemble off and go back to the life he had once had with his brothers. He tried to think of them as little as possible, pushing them to the back of his mind with the knowledge that what he was doing was assuring them safety. But he couldn't push them out of his dreams.

Leo woke from a sad one on a chilly November morning. Sitting up slowly he closed his eyes and replayed it in his mind. His family stood morosely on a windswept hill, placing his old possessions in a hole and speaking kind words of love and loss. Raph was the last to approach the hole. Leo watched as Raph dropped his stained belt and shoulder strap but then hesitated.

_I need to let you go, but I really don't want to, _Leo heard Raph whisper, knowing his brother was speaking only to him. Leo sadly replied to his brother, comforting him:

"We will never be separated. What you need to let go is the idea of me being gone. That thing around your neck is nothing but a smelly piece of bloodstained leather and is one of the things you need to let go. Then you can start to move on; the others need you to move on. You can do it. I will help you," Leo saw Raph nod, and sever the cord so that the false amulet lie still in the palm of his hand. His family watched as he looked down at the small bit of leather shake along with his hands. He did not want to let go.

"You can do it Raph, but only if you want to…only if you're ready," Leo whispered.

_I do, I am. I need to move on because they need me...But it feels like betrayal_, Leo heard Raph say.

"It is not. To leave them stranded would be betrayal. I want our family to be whole. They need you to be whole before you can make them whole. Let it go," Leo urged his dream brother.

Raph turned his hand over and let it go. With his entire family at his back, he allowed himself to come back to them. Leo smiled in his dream, and woke up that way.

Leo opened his eyes again, his hand pressed to his lips. He knew that what he had just seen had been no ordinary dream but had actually happened. His family had accepted that he was gone and were now moving on, but Raph still didn't want to. Leo had a feeling that Raph only let go of that amulet for the family's sake.

"I can't let them down…I can't let Raph down, not after all they've been through. I have to escape. Karai or no Karai, Foot protection or no Foot protection, I am going home, back to my family.

---

Karai was also conflicted. She wanted to let Leo go, and she was sure that he and his family were no longer in any danger from the Foot clan…but she didn't want to lose him. She needed him. Karai was afraid of what would happen if her second in command just left. She feared the clan would fall, and she wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Most of all, she feared for her secret, the thing that only one other person knew. It was hard, such a heavy burden to carry all by herself, but she was afraid to tell Leo. His choice would affect all of their fates.

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Again, sorry to any original readers who have waited two years for an update. As a fan of such uncompleted stories as Lockdown and a few more that I don't remember the titles to, I understand how annoying that is, which is why I decided to try to finish it. A review would be absolutely wonderful and is always great motivation to write more!

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	14. Ch 14: Keeping Secrets

Hello readers! I know it's been two years since my last update, and my sincere apologies for that, but I've gotten away from for a while and am finally getting back into it. I never finished the story, so I'm still not exactly sure how I'm going to wrap this up, but I have a few more chapters for you now and I'll do my best to figure out the rest. So here's the next (13 was new too) Enjoy!

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Ch 14

Keeping Secrets

"My my Karia, they're getting big," a voice drawled from the shadows, not looking up from the piece of paper he was looking at as Karai entered a room in one of the previously unused parts of headquarters. She shut and locked it behind her before turning to reply to the man.

"Yes, you said that they would be by now," Karia replied, steeling her voice and her expression. She strode towards the man and stopped just short of the machinery that left his face in shadow. She could just make out a smirk before he stepped into the light.

"That I did Ms. Karai. And I was right. Are you ready to uphold your end of the deal?" Bishop replied in an oily voice.

"Yes, I am prepared to do what I said that I would, if you are prepared to uphold your end of the bargain," Karai said coolly.

"I am, and if you are ready, please take a seat. Brace yourself, the IV may sting a little," Bishop informed her. Karai sat on the operating table, taking off her vest and undershirt, putting them aside she held out her arm to accept the IV. The last thing she was aware of was the humming of the IV as it began to pump anesthetics into her veins, and Bishop's face looming above her own. He held something shiny in his hand. And then everything became fuzzy and dark.

---

"Leonardo," Karai whispered to the sleeping turtle. She had been standing over his bed for a full ten minutes before she was prepared to wake him and tell her story.

"Mmm?" Leo responded, shifting slightly to bring Karai's face into view. Karai looked down, unable to meet his gaze. Her hair covered her face so that Leo could not see her expression. With his free hand, Leo brushed it out of Karai's eyes and gently tilted her chin up. There were tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Leo asked softly, concerned but not truly worried. He could sense happiness in Karai's aura as well as fear. Mainly she was anxious.

"I am afraid to tell you. I am afraid of what you will do, and of what it will mean," Karai said truthfully. Leo didn't need to say that she could trust him, so he just waited.

"It will change everything, and I don't know if I will be able to lead the Foot anymore, or at least not for a while…" she trailed off. "Leonardo, I am pregnant…with your child." Leo's eyes widened and his mouth gaped at her blunt statement. It took him a couple tries before he could speak.

"You—you're—with my—What?! You're pregnant?! I'm a—I can have kids?!" Leo blurted, having a hard time controlling his voice. Karai only nodded.

"You're sure?" Leo asked earnestly, now placing a hand protectively over Karai's stomach, all his thoughts on the miracle within, the unbelievable, inconceivable...they were compatible with humans. They could have children. But his was trapped within the leader of the Foot, a woman with a history of deceit and betrayal. Karai placed her own hand on top of his.

"Yes. I have been sure for a while, and suspicious for longer. I did not think that we would be compatible…so I never bothered with pills or asked you to wear protection," She whispered, sounding ashamed.

"Hey, we can make this work," Leo said, attempting to contain his excitement and conceal his worry. Karai hesitated.

"I am worried for our child and our clan. I will not be able to lead as a mother of a—a mutant, not for a while, at least… And I fear that you will not stay in my place," Karai said so softly that Leo barely heard it.

"I will not leave you, nor our child," Leo assured her seriously, all the while wondering how this would affect his planned escape. His honor would demand that he stay for his child. No matter what, he would raise this miracle. But he also wondered what it was that she was still hiding.

---

"I have told him," Karai stated bluntly to Bishop, who didn't bother to look up from his computer screen.

"About only one of them, I hope. You know the other belongs to me," Bishop replied coolly.

"Yes, only one, one that will keep him from attempting to leave the Foot. He is too honorable to abandon a child and leave the organization that it is a part of in shambles. He will now have to stay and continue reworking the Foot, while you will study the child in place of him or his brothers. You will never threaten them again," Karai stated; it was not a question.

"Yes yes, that was and remains our agreement, as well as providing your organization with protection and tech when needed. Now will you go please, I'm studying some of the samples that came with his sperm. Really Karai, you are a devious fox. Making him believe that you lusted for him, seducing him and then stealing his DNA and allowing me to create clones as well as combining your DNA to see if they are compatible with humans. This really will be a delightful project. Imagine creating super soldiers with built in armor and the ability to perform incredible martial arts feats. You and I will be very well off at the end of this," Bishop commented carelessly. Karai fought to suppress a shudder at the blaze way he spoke of these future children, two of which would be hers as well.

---

Leo knew that he was trapped by circumstance and fate for now, but he made a promise to himself and his family that once his child was born he would take it and go back to his family. Whether Karai accepted his decision or not, he would not leave one of his own defenseless among those who might kill it for its difference or relation to the ones who got rid of their master. He promised the child that he would get it out of this place and to a home and a family that would love it no matter how it looked.

After a few days Leo decided that the best thing to do would be to go back to his family now, before the clan learned that Karai was pregnant, since once they knew he would not be able to leave her side. He planned on coming back before the child was born so that he could protect it and take it away. They would need to legitimize it with the clan or it would be rejected and perhaps they would be attacked before it was even born. It would be a very difficult nine months.

---

"I'm going home, now," Leo stated firmly. Karai narrowed her eyes threateningly and let out a breath of air like a hiss.

"No you are not! You belong to the Foot Clan and to me. You must stay for the child you created; honor dictates it! Karai said icily.

"Honor also dictates that I not abandon my family and clan. I was their leader and my absence has hit them hard. As such it is my responsibility to go back to them, even if for a short time. I owe it to them to show that I am alive, at least. I will return before the Foot clan finds out; I will not abandon you or our child. I will be here to protect you when my protection is needed."

"You will not leave; I will stop you!" Karai shrieked, drawing her katana, but Leo had already slipped away. He was a ninja with a purpose who knew his way around the building, and he was not getting caught.

Leo found the exit he was looking for: a window with a balcony on the top floor of a rarely used wing. Taking out a grappling hook and tossing it onto the roof, waiting for it to catch, and giving it a light pull, Leo slipped onto the roof, leapt to the next one, and vanished into the night.

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Again, sorry to any original readers who have waited two years for an update. As a fan of such uncompleted stories as Lockdown and a few more that I don't remember the titles to, I understand how annoying that is, which is why I decided to try to finish it. A review would be absolutely wonderful and is always great motivation to write more!

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	15. Ch 15: A Sight for Sore Eyes

Hello readers! I know it's been two years since my last update, and my sincere apologies for that, but I've gotten away from for a while and am finally getting back into it. I never finished the story, so I'm still not exactly sure how I'm going to wrap this up, but I have a few more chapters for you now and I'll do my best to figure out the rest. So here's the next (13 & 14 were new too)…they're finally reunited!!! Yay! Enjoy!

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Ch. 15

A Sight for Sore Eyes

It was morning by the time Leo arrived at the entrance to the lair. He had taken the longest and most windy path from Foot headquarters, doubling back and making wrong turns frequently and intentionally to throw off any pursuers. As excited as he was to see his family again, he was intensely nervous. What if they were so angry that he had taken this long to come back that they refused to take him back? What if they thought it was a trick: a clone or something? Looking down at his Foot apparel he realized that he was giving off the wrong impression. He took off everything but his bandanna and sword belt, tossing the foot buckle and leather clothing into a dark corner. He would retrieve it after telling them the story.

Knowing that he had stalled enough and wondering what he was waiting for, Leo walked up to the keypad and entered the entrance code. The door creaked open, revealing quite the sight for his sore eyes. Mikey, Don, and Splinter were gathered in the family/TV area, talking while Splinter's "stories" were playing on the TV. Mikey was drawing while Don fiddled with the toaster, obviously not working because of the Raph sized fist print denting the side. Leo smiled fondly at this scene, but looked around for his most passionate brother before stepping forward into the light. It would be just like him to be off busting some heads, and Leo didn't like worrying. He could hear snoring coming from Raph's room, however, so Leo stepped out of the shadows.

It was a few seconds before anyone noticed the new presence. Mikey, looking up from his drawing to contribute to the conversation, was the first one.

"No way! Silver Sentry is much cooler than Nobody. I mean, he worked with…the…Justice—" Mikey froze, eyes fixed on Leo. His arms shook as he raised himself up to a kneeling position.

"Mikey, what's wrong?" Don asked, before following his gaze and becoming similarly speechless. It was Splinter who first spoke.

"My son…" He exclaimed wonderingly. "Oh my son. You have returned to us."

"Leo!"

"Leo!!"

"It is really you?" And then Leo felt what he'd been missing for so long as he was enfolded in first his brothers' and then his father's arms. He sighed happily, leaning into the warm and loving arms of three of the people he missed most. But he needed to see them all, and he pulled back with a reassuring smile.

"Wait," he said gently, and strode to Raph's room. The others stared up at him in wonder as he disappeared through the doorway.

---

Leo stood inside his brother's room, savoring the feeling and the smells, looking fondly down at Raph's sleeping form and around the room at the many things that proved that he was home. There were pictures of them strewn about the desk, his favorite of the two of them laughing in April's kitchen that had been taken just before the Shredder's return and attack on Raph's bedside table along with the goodbye letter that he himself had written. It was marred by tearstains and smears, as if read over and over again. He frowned softly, figuring that his disappearance had hit Raph particularly hard. Moved by a sudden urge to snap Raph out of his despair and see him smile again Leo called out to him softly.

"Raph. Hey Raph, it's time to get up," just like he used to when it was nearly time for practice and he wanted to make sure that Raph got a bite to eat first. He smiled as Raph rolled over and pulled the covers over his head.

"Five more minutes Leo," Raph murmured in his sleep.

"Come on Raph, we haven't seen each other for months and you seriously want to keep sleeping?"

"Bugger off, I was up all night thinking about your note, remembering the old days."

"Um…ok. Hey, how about you open your eyes and realize that you're talking to me, Leo, the brother you thought was gone. You know, your 'Fearless Leader'?" And then he felt a constricting in his chest as he saw a tear leak its way out of Raph's eye.

"Fearless is dead. Just leave me alone."

Having had enough of this conversation, Leo walked to the side of Raph's hammock and rubbed his neck like he did when they were kids and Raph was stressed out. Slowly some of the tension in Raph's neck eased.

"Wake up now, before I dump you out of your hammock," Leo said gently.

"Fine," Raph grumbled, stirring a bit before he opened his eyes. The sleepy expression as well as all the strain from the grief and anger drained out of his face until he looked like a child, nothing but hope and soul. "Leo?"

"Yeah, I'm home," Leo said gently. Raph sat up and rushed him, practically dragging him down from the force of his bear hug.

"You're alive. Are you real? Is this just another dream?" Raph asked into Leo's rapidly dampening shoulder. Leo tightened his hold.

"You're awake and this is real. I'm back, and I'm sorry I was gone for so long." Leo replied.

---------

Again, sorry to any original readers who have waited two years for an update. As a fan of such uncompleted stories as Lockdown and a few more that I don't remember the titles to, I understand how annoying that is, which is why I decided to try to finish it. A review would be absolutely wonderful and is always great motivation to write more!

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	16. Ch 16: Exile

Hello readers! I know it's been two years since my last update, and my sincere apologies for that, but I've gotten away from for a while and am finally getting back into it. I never finished the story, so I'm still not exactly sure how I'm going to wrap this up, but I have a few more chapters for you now and I'll do my best to figure out the rest. So here's the next (13, 14, & 15 were new too)…trouble in paradise… Enjoy!

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Ch. 16

Exile

"Wait. All the time we were grieving for you, worried out of our minds and crying, you were sleeping with Karai?!" Raph growled.

"No! It was just one time!" Leo lied, not sure what else to do, but desperate not to lose his family again. "I was drugged and she was the only kind person, the only comfort I had had for months. She saved my life."

"After nearly taking it!" Mikey shouted.

"We cared! Don't you understand Leo? We turned this city upside down looking for you," Don shouted as well.

"I know!" Leo begged. "I'm so sorry. I would have come back. I wanted to. I almost broke out so many times, but I couldn't move for a long time, and I was locked up for longer. Then I saw the chance to save some of the younger kids in the Foot, make it a better and more open-minded organization."

"So you were playing the hero, doing it for the greater good, is that so?" Raph scoffed.

"I was trying to, yes." Leo said. "What else could I do?"

"Escape! Come back to us! Call us, send us an email, a letter, get some spray paint and make tags, anything! You could have communicated to let us know you weren't dead. You could have told us what was going down, asked us to be patient, or told us where you were so we could break you out." Raph shouted. "You could have done something, if you really wanted to."

"We had a funeral for you. We almost fell, because we thought you fell. We just barely managed to hold on. We're all we have in this world…and you chose not to come back?" Mikey spat, on the verge of tears.

"Mikey, I'm so sorry," Leo faltered, holding out his arms towards his brother. Mikey stepped back. Leo looked devastated. "You, you had a funeral…you gave up on me?"

Raph looked torn with emotions: "You told us to in the letters! You told me to move on. You told me to! You passed the towel!"

"That I did, and I'm not asking for it back, not yet at least," Leo replied honestly. Raph gave him an odd look and seemed about to speak.

"Get out. You have caused this family enough pain," Splinter commanded coldly.

"What?" Leo stumbled backwards, stung by the harsh words. "Father?" He knew that they would be mad, but he did not expect to be banished. He thought for sure someone would understand and speak up for him. Don maybe, since he understood what it was to love a woman, or Mikey, because he was sweet and kind, or Raph because…because he was Raph.

"I…I don't want to leave. I love you all. You're my family. You're the most important thing in this world. I wanted to come back to you so badly, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I'm sorry. Please, please forgive me," Leo begged, fighting back tears. He hated himself, hated his weakness for Karai, hated what they had done, hated her for doing it, and himself for letting her. He collapsed to his knees under the horrible weight of guilt and remorse. Things would never be the same. He had ruined everything.

Splinter displayed no pity: he turned his back and strode to his room, pausing in the doorway to exclaim:

"I have only three sons. My eldest has died and I am done morning him."

"No! Please Sensei. Father…please forgive me," Leo choked, bowing his head from the shame.

"No." Raph stated, but it was not to Leo that he spoke. "Don't talk to my brother like that, not when he's asking for forgiveness." Leo looked up hopefully. Raph wasn't looking at him, but his legs were spread defensively, as if to fight to protect something he cared for. He looked upset: betrayed, hurt, and angry, but he was defending Leo all the same. Leo's heart smiled: Raph was being Raph after all.

"We thought we lost him, we said that we would give anything to get him back and now we can't handle that he was seduced by Karai? Yeah I'm upset. I'm hurt and angry, I'd even go so far as to say that I feel a little betrayed, but I am not letting you kick my brother out of our home. You don't own this place and you are not going to make me lose him again. Not after I've gone through hell, Donny and Mikey have gone through hell, you've gone through hell, waiting for news, loosing hope, grieving. No. Not now that we finally got him back, I am not letting you take him away," Raph stated heatedly, with much feeling behind it. Splinter did not respond except to bow his head. After a long sigh he looked up again.

"Your loyalty and love for your family is deeply engrained Raphael, so much so that you are blinded to this betrayal and dishonor—"

"Dishonor my ass! You and your stupid honor; it's bullshit. Revenge isn't honorable. Mercy, forgiveness, and love, that's honor," Raph stated boldly. Turning to Leo for the first time his blazing expression softened.

"Are you asking for all of us to forgive you, or just Splinter?" Raph asked gruffly.

"All of you," Leo whispered. "I apologize with all of my heart. I never meant to hurt you."

"You saved my life, and in doing so you almost died. They might have tortured you, you might have died, but you took that blow for me anyway. I could never hold that against you," Raph choked, boldly continuing. "I'm _glad_ that you played along and did what you had to do to survive. Coming back to us and telling us the truth took guts. I forgive you for taking so long, but you know what? You don't need forgiveness. I'll always love you no matter what," Raph finished softly, honestly.

"Oh Raph," Leo choked, stumbling forward into Raph's arms. "I'm sorry bro. I never meant to hurt you. I was so scared. I saw that blade coming for you, and I saw them kick you off the roof, and I had no idea what was going on, and I felt so helpless and confused. I dreamed of you morning me at my funeral and I couldn't bear it any longer. I thought that I was doing the right thing in staying with the Foot, but I couldn't see you like that, I couldn't let you morn like that."

Raph smiled a sad sort of smile and hugged Leo back. "So you _were_ talking to me…I thought I was going crazy. I should have realized that it really was you. Would have made me feel a lot better."

"What?" Don asked, doing a double take.

"I've been hearing Leo's voice since after it happened, encouraging me, keeping my spirits up. I always thought it was just me. Ya know, the voice in the back of my head. But I guess our connection is that strong, it actually was Leo," Raph said.

"Why didn't you try to talk to _us_?" Mikey whined, upset and hurt. Leo smiled sadly.

"I did try. I tried to connect with you all every day, but by the time I was off the drugs there was too much sadness, too much blackness and despair. You'd given up; I couldn't connect through the hopelessness. And I only got through to Raph a couple times, and the times when I actually succeeded I wasn't really trying. It was mostly in my dreams," Leo responded gently.

"I love you bro," Mikey sobbed. "I'm sorry for being mad. I'm sorry we didn't find you. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"Hey, don't be sorry," Leo smiled gently, happily, beckoning to Mikey to join he and Raph and giving him a hug. "I love you too Mikey. Donny, bro, I love you too. Please forgive me," he opened an arm invitingly.

"I do…I'm sorry too. You have no idea how bad it was without you. We were bound to be upset by whatever reason you gave for not coming back and letting us worry," Don replied, accepting the invitation and joining the group hug. They cried happily together, experiencing a healing catharsis after all the stress and pain they had been going through for the last months. A sudden noise startled them. Splinter's door slid open to reveal their father standing there with tears in his eyes, wearing a sad smile.

"Father?" Leo asked tentatively. Splinter didn't give him a change to finish; he rushed to his son like a young version of himself and grabbed him in a tight embrace.

"I am so proud of you boys," Splinter said gently.

"But…but you were kicking him out, weren't you?" Raph stated, very confused.

"I was a fool, and you four did well in reminding me how much I need all of my sons by my side. I could not bear to lose you again Leonardo," Splinter said.

"Sensei, can you ever forgive me?" Leo asked.

"Only if you can forgive me," Splinter replied gently.

---------

Again, sorry to any original readers who have waited two years for an update. As a fan of such uncompleted stories as Lockdown and a few more that I don't remember the titles to, I understand how annoying that is, which is why I decided to try to finish it. A review would be absolutely wonderful and is always great motivation to write more!

---------


	17. Ch 17: All You Need is Love

Hello readers! I know it's been two years since my last update, and my sincere apologies for that, but I've gotten away from for a while and am finally getting back into it. I never finished the story, so I'm still not exactly sure how I'm going to wrap this up, but I have a few more chapters for you now and I'll do my best to figure out the rest. So here's the next (13, 14, 15, & 16 were new too)…because Raph was Raph, after all (or at least how I see him). I remember writing this and had way too much fun with the Raph/Leo brothers/best friends relationship, but that is kinda the basis of this story, so…yeah. You'll have that… Enjoy!

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Ch. 17

All You Need is Love

Things were strained in the lair. It would never be exactly the same again, not with all the grief and fear over almost losing Leo, then the anger over his betrayal, then forgiveness and gratefulness at having him back. The others weren't sure how to act around him, treating him like a ghost who had come back from the dead, a stranger who reminded them of a brother they once had, or a precious treasure that had been returned to them and must now be treaded lightly around for fear it will break. Jokes and laughter were strained, smiles were forced, thoughtful, or sad, voices and actions were neutral, no fights, but no play either. The violent scar slashed across Leo's plastron drew and made them avert their eyes in turns. They were tense, afraid to invest too much, care too much; they feared getting hurt again. Leo understood that things were and would always be different. Whether they realized it or not, they had moved on. Their grief was long and terrible and while it did not seem constructive at the time, they had grown used to the idea that Leo was not coming back, had just grown used to it, in fact, a week before his return. They had moved on just in time for his homecoming. He was dead, they had accepted this fact, only here he was, standing in their midst once again.

It was the worse with Raph because out of all of Leo's brothers he had held out the longest and was trying the hardest to make things better to make up for giving up. He hated himself for believing the Foot soldier, hated himself for letting go of that amulet, the magical, wonderful connection that allowed Leo to communicate with him when he needed him most. He couldn't believe that he got his brother back despite messing up and he was determined not to lose him again. He and Leo spent hours, long, strained, tense hours walking around the city, talking, just being silent, enjoying each others' company but cursing the awkwardness. It wasn't that bad, just different. It was nice not fighting, but they both missed the games of follow the leader and the good-natured, and sometimes not so good-natured, bantering.

They hopped on their shell cycles and took rides around the city and the surrounding countryside. It wasn't so awkward with the cold wind in their faces, the snow and the Christmas decorations around them. A week after Leo came back Raph took him to Casey's farmhouse to see his grave. Leo stood there silently a moment, taking in the candles, the sword, and the hole that he had seen in his dream. Silently he pulled the sword out of the ground and used it to scrape open the hole, bending over to sift through its contents, pulling out the poem, CD, and bat and stowing them in his belt.

"It's really weird seeing you desecrate your own grave," Raph commented. "Like, _really_ weird."

Without answering Leo withdrew the leather thong that had been around Raph's neck in all of his visions, stood up, and handed it to him. Raph took his amulet hesitantly, not meeting Leo's eyes but looking down at the strip of leather in his hands.

"How did you know?" Raph got out gruffly.

"I told you to let it go, remember?" Leo replied quietly.

"Yeah...I remember. I wish you hadn't. If I had only held on another few days, if I had only not given up…" Raph trailed off.

"Then what? That wouldn't have accomplished anything. It worked Raph. It let me know how bad things were. It connected us in a way, but in the end it was just a smelly piece of leather. The connection was already there, that just helped you focus it." Leo said.

"You really think it did?" Raph asked.

"I don't know…I guess? It freaked them out though, so I still think it was good that you let it go." Leo stated.

"Then why did you give it back?" Raph said, gesturing with the hand holding the amulet.

"I wanted to see if it was really here, and if you still rubbed it like a charm." Leo replied.

They both looked down at the piece of leather in Raph's hand. It lay there, dangling lifelessly from its severed cord. Raph had not been rubbing it. Leo smiled and slung Usagi's sword over his shoulder, and, turning back towards the bikes, gave Raph an expectant look.

"That's messed up." Raph replied mildly.

"Yeah…I know." Leo said simply, still smiling. Raph looked at him out of the corner of his eyes for a moment, gave a small, quirky smile, and laughed. It was a wonderful sound. And, more out of surprise and pleasure from his brother's laugh, Leo began laughing too. They looked at each other and the pathetic strip of leather and laughed as if it was the funniest thing in the world. They were still laughing when Raph tossed it carelessly over his shoulder, walked forward to join Leo, and slung his arm over Leo's shoulder. Together they went home, leaving the discarded amulet hidden beneath the snow and leaves.

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Again, sorry to any original readers who have waited two years for an update. As a fan of such uncompleted stories as Lockdown and a few more that I don't remember the titles to, I understand how annoying that is, which is why I decided to try to finish it. A review would be absolutely wonderful and is always great motivation to write more!

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